Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Monday, 7 April 2014

Off Your Trolley!

Nowhere on earth can match Yorkshire's bus stops for fun, frolics and light entertainment. Whether it's waiting for the number 3: Cottingley - Brackenwood ( Red Line ) or the number 965: Otley - Weston Circular there is always something to keep us amused from sun up till sun down.

Friday, 4 April 2014

Monday, 31 March 2014

Kate Bush In Concert

I failed miserably to get tickets to see Kate Bush in concert, after an hour on the phone to various box offices trying, I remembered that I had to go out, so I handed the reins over to my maid of all work Carmen. I didn't hold much hope, so imagine my delight when a short time later Carmen called me to say that she had been successful and has got two tickets for £15.00 including booking fees! My excitement was feverish to say the least, Kate Bush, her first concert in 35 years and I've got tickets! After the excitement had died down, alarm bells starting ringing in my head. £15.00! I bet the stupid bitch has paid £1500 off a tout. When I got home she proudly showed me the confirmation, she printed out. I snatched the paper out of her gnarled claw and eagerly scanned the page. What's this? This isn't Kate Bush. It's a play, a who-dun-it starring Kate O'Mara. My language was choice to say the least and not for the faint hearted "Kate O'fuckingMara" I was so livid, my mood ring my grandmother gave me on her death bed had melted. However, the next day or two later Kate O'Mara died, she must have felt my wrath.


Monday, 17 March 2014

RIP Clarissa Dickson Wright

 Clarissa Dickson-Wright and Jennifer Paterson
Grab that crab Clarissa! Of  all the cookery programmes ever shown on the telly, The Two Fat Ladies were my favourite. I was addicted to them, with their no nonsense manner and their love of lard. No Fat Ladies now, how sad. 

Lets remind ourselves of how great they really were.

Sunday, 16 March 2014

Labour lady MPs 1929 with a young pre-op David Jason.

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Classic Coronation Street: Gail's Ring

Wasn't that lovely? Now we know where Victoria Wood got her inspiration from to write Acorn Antiques .

Sunday, 9 March 2014

For just over a fortnight now I've been taking a thrice daily dose of Hypericum perforatum better known as St Johns Wort, it's a herbal medicine for the treatment of mild depression, I wasn't depressed as such, just a bit fed-up, but since taking it, I have noticed a vast improvement to my well being. For instance, I've been answering those pesky international telephone calls in the style of Jayne Mansfield.

Second hand Rose!

Normally I wouldn't be seen dead rooting about inside a charity shop, but today I stopped and admired a fine window display at the Sue Ryder shop, I entered it and bought a Billy Bunter annual and a 500 pc jigsaw with a picture of the Laxey wheel/manx cat and tram all for £2.50 and I didn't even blush when I took them to the counter!

My maid of all work Carmen wants to know if there is going to be another Crimean war, would she have to wear a bustle. I thought she already did.

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Zager And Evans In The Year 2525

I bring you Zager and Evans. The world's greatest visionaries.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

White Chocolate and Orange Trollops

As you can see I've been busy creating these delicious biscuits using out of date ingredients found festering in the back of the cupboard.

4oz ground almonds 7 months out of date
The zest and juice of one manky orange (bought fresh two days ago from Morrisons!)
4 tablespoons of custard powder 6 years out of date
5oz plain flour the only item in date
5oz icing sugar 4 years out of date
half a dusty bottle of vanilla essence
half a cup of chocolate chips.
4oz butter on the turn

Do the rubbing in method with butter and dry ingredients. Add orange juice and form into a dough, roll a heaped tablespoon into a ball and flatten with the back of a spoon. Bake in a preheated oven for 7-10 minutes at 180 degrees gas 4. Et voila!

Poor Old Lass

Monday, 17 February 2014

Semi Detached House With Grandiose Delusions

6 bedroom semi-detached house for sale
Forefield Lane, Crosby, Liverpool, L23 9TQ

Berkeley Shaw Sales & Lettings are pleased to offer a semi detached house with hall, cloakroom, three reception rooms, conservatory, kitchen/breakfast room, six bedrooms, shower room, central heating, double glazing, garden, tacky trinkets negotiable.

Go on, take a look inside you know you want to.

Friday, 14 February 2014

Monday, 10 February 2014

Sorry I'm A Lady - Baccara

"Ooh here comes that man again.
Something in the way he moves makes me sorry
I'm a lady." Baccara

Where have all the ladies gone? That's the question I asked myself today whilst I was out shopping in town. I had just finished my little jaunt around Home Bargains and was waiting outside the doorway for Carmen.

This woman bares a striking resemblance to Paul McCartney

Also waiting on a busy street corner and within spitting distance from myself, was this ill bred and uncouth woman, wearing grey track suit bottoms, tucked into ugg boots, one floral tattooed hand was clutching a child's buggy with a brown baby in it, the other was holding a roll-up, she looked impatient and eager to be off somewhere, her nostrils were flared and her mouth looked like a mean slit. I noticed her gaze was set firmly on two men talking to each other on the other side of the road, I also noticed she had a floral tattoo behind one of her ears, her hair was cut short, the top layer of hair was bleached without using any toner, with high levels of colour graduations at the back, I suppose an artist would call yellow ochre to burnt sienna, burnt umber to mouse, her natural hair colour. I didn't have to hold my breath when I passed by her, because what she shouted at the top of her fog horn voice, for all to hear, took my breath away. "Oy Carl! Get your cock outa Pete's arse and get yer fucking sen over ere now!" Can you imagine the lovely Fiona Bruce or the late Noele Gordon using language like that on the street? No! Neither can I.