Monday, 11 February 2019

It's A Miracle

Podgy finger courtesy of Carmen.

Do you struggle to read small print? I know I do, especially in shops when checking to see if a product contains aspartame, I use to hold the product at arms length and squint theatrically, often without joy, but not anymore, a friend of mine taught me this little trick and it blew my mind. Be prepared for sympathetic looks off people when doing this in a public place, they'll think you're going blind.

Curl your index finger (that's the finger you pick your nose with) into the crook of your thumb pad to create a small pin prick hole see pic above, place it against your naked eye, if needs be, make the hole smaller by tightening your finger and the small print will come into focus.

Sunday, 10 February 2019


I hope Carmen's back improves soon, my house is looking like a tip. 

Friday, 1 February 2019

A Decade Ago

I do like a good reminiscing session and I'm not the only one Scarlet and Jon do too. They would like us to trudge through our past posts from 10 years ago pick one and repost it.  Well, here it is from a decade ago. I haven't added a link because it will give the game away for those wanting to play.

Guess The Album From The Review

Track 1 Not the best way to start an album in my opinion. A lot of silence, when noise did start, it's very random, what seems like a walrus laughing and the tills from Are You Been Served can be heard.

Track 2 A bit like Madonna's Confessions on a Dance Floor in the way all the tracks merge into each other, but unlike Madonna's album there's no Melody, tune or glitter ball! There is a lot of experimental style wowing with synthesisers, but nothing to get your knickers wet. It reminds me a little of my school drama days when we had to meditate and pretend to be a tree. There is also some random helicopters in there.

Track 3 Very promising start with the bell of Britney Spears Hit Me Baby One More Time kicking off the track, unfortunately this is the only good bit out of the 6min 30 sec, and it soon descends into what sounds like the theme tune of Prisoner Cell Block H. (Which for anyone too young or who isn't gay it's an Australian soap set in a women's prison, where the set was wobbly.

Track 4 Some lovely piano work which is soon ruined by the sound of a lady who must have been in great pain by the sound of her wailing, perhaps she was in the same female prison as the above mentioned perhaps she her head jammed in the steam press manned by Bea Smith.

Track 5 Sounds like the theme tune to Are You been served "Ground floor perfumery, stationary and leather goods wigs and haberdashery kitchenware and food going up" Oh Mr Humphries! Best track on the album.

Track 6 Begins with some churchy music, then some bluesy sax which suggests to be an album my dad would like, very laid back, no beat, can't dance to it, you can't even tap your bleeding foot to it.

Track 7 sounds like this.When I was 8 years old I was given a stylophone from my Aunt Jess

Track 8 Sounds liket the theme tune from The Likely Lads.

Track 9 Clearly wanting to go out on a high they've brought al the previous albums elements together so the ringing tills, the howling lady, the lounge music are all back for an encore.

On the whole it's more of a journey perhaps an acid trip for me but interesting.

Wednesday, 30 January 2019

Stardrops - The Pink Stuff

Shock horror. Hair dye stain on bathroom unit.

Clit Bang, Mr Muscle, Flash even neat bleach failed to remove that pesky hair dye stain from off my bespoke bathroom sink unit with high gloss finish. Someone from Carmen's domestic circle recommended The Pink Stuff, 69p from Poundstretchers. My scepticism turned to amazement when the stain vanished before my very eyes with hardly any effort at all. I'm chuffed to say the least.

It contains the ingredient methylisothiazolinone the same stuff that is in my Clinique face scrub, I haven't tested it on myself yet, I'm going to wait until my maid of all work has finished her duties, then I'm going to treat her to a facial. 

Sunday, 27 January 2019


I've just been admiring my friend's Staffy, what a beauty!

Thursday, 24 January 2019

Wednesday, 23 January 2019

Mystic Mel

On my way home from visiting friends in Hull I decided to pop into Tesco's for a few things, it's not my usual haunt for grocery shopping but when needs must Tesco's provides. Whilst perusing the entertainment aisle I heard a coarse female voice shriek 'Hoo Mel, can I have a selfie with yer? I'm a fan of yours, I follow you on facebook' My curiosity was piqued, someone famous called Mel is shopping in Tesco, who could it be, could it be Mel Giedroyc the former presenter of The Great British Bake Off or could it be Mel B from the Spice Girls, I turned around the corner in the direction of the shrill voice and came face to face with local celebrity Melissa Ede, she does things with mayonnaise bottles on YouTube, she's been on various television programmes including The Jeremy Kyle show, Judge Rinder and most recently Tattoo Fixers but she is most famous for winning £4 million on a scratch card. After I packed my groceries I had an urge to buy a scratch card, I suppose word got around that Melissa was is in the building and everyone in the supermarket had gone into a scratch card frenzy mode as there wasn't a single £10 scratch card left, so I bought a £5 one and won £1000! 

Do you fancy winning some money on a scratch card? All you have to do is look into Mel's eyes, her eyes, not around her eyes but her eyes for a just few seconds, now go and buy yourself a scratch card, I looked at her in Tesco's and won £1000! I can't help thinking if I had gawped at her for a bit longer I might have won millions.

Sunday, 23 December 2018

Happy Christmas!

That's all the Christmas shopping over and done with. Let the wrapping begin. 

Nothing brings out that festive feeling more than the sound of Christian churchgoers doing their annual carolling round, turning up on your doorstep, dressed in period costume and singing that all time favourite O Come All Ye Faithful and the maid and I hiding behind the couch until they've gone away, that'll teach us for not closing the blinds.

I'll try to take Fascinating Aida's advice this Christmas, but it won't be easy.


Saturday, 1 December 2018


For your viewing pleasure.

Thursday, 23 August 2018

Titli's Spelt Bread

Shave off your eyebrows and draw them on above the supraorbital ridge for a fresh and youthful look.

I bought a bag of spelt flour yesterday, which is all very well but what does one make with it? A sheer caprice purchase like the bag of  fufu flour I found lurking unopened in the back of the cupboard 6 years out of date. I typed 'spelt flour recipes' in the search box and a link to the above YouTube video grabbed my attention and introduced me to the wonderful world of Titli.

Mitzi's top tip: During the school holidays do your weekly shop at Waitrose, the high prices there keeps the riff-raff out. No more Callie-Mae and Mackenzie worries for me.

I used wholemeal spelt flour, with nowt taken out.

Thanks to Tit's tuition I have mastered the four strand plait.

Tuesday, 14 August 2018

Sow's Ear Silk Purse

It's amazing what a bit of slap and a fancy new hairdo can do to a woman. Curtesy of TAAZ I've made a silk purse from a sow's ear. Can you guess who she is?

Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all? It's haughty Princess Anne. When I was in my late teens I wrote to Princess Anne asking her to do something with her hair. What a waste of a stamp that was.

Tuesday, 24 July 2018


I  recently won this bergamot scented candle in a cup and saucer at a tombola stall in Pickering, North Yorkshire, they were raising money for FWUK (Fallen Women UK) it's a great cause, generating awareness and support for those with loose morals, it's a charity close to my heart. 

Isn't it hideous? The cup is actually attached to the saucer so it is of no use other than for what it is. Of all the prizes I could have won including a bottle of Grants whiskey, 5x1000 piece jigsaws of classic trains, a Lynx gift set I had to win that, the campiest thing on display 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth' crowed my maid of all work, Carmen. I'll make her eat those words when she unwraps it on Christmas day.

Saturday, 7 July 2018


The maid and I have just nipped out for some Jubblies.

Monday, 11 June 2018


I'm still feeling a bit rattled after Saturday night's earthquake. No major damage to report except for one or two petals had dropped off my beautiful cut peonies. 

Thursday, 24 May 2018

Back Soon

Does anyone else clean their house from top to bottom before going away on holiday?

My maid of all work Carmen getting into the holiday mood with a banana.