Saturday, 1 December 2018


For your viewing pleasure.

Thursday, 23 August 2018

Titli's Spelt Bread

Shave off your eyebrows and draw them on above the supraorbital ridge for a fresh and youthful look.

I bought a bag of spelt flour yesterday, which is all very well but what does one make with it? A sheer caprice purchase like the bag of  fufu flour I found lurking unopened in the back of the cupboard 6 years out of date. I typed 'spelt flour recipes' in the search box and a link to the above YouTube video grabbed my attention and introduced me to the wonderful world of Titli.

Mitzi's top tip: During the school holidays do your weekly shop at Waitrose, the high prices there keeps the riff-raff out. No more Callie-Mae and Mackenzie worries for me.

I used wholemeal spelt flour, with nowt taken out.

Thanks to Tit's tuition I have mastered the four strand plait.

Tuesday, 14 August 2018

Sow's Ear Silk Purse

It's amazing what a bit of slap and a fancy new hairdo can do to a woman. Curtesy of TAAZ I've made a silk purse from a sow's ear. Can you guess who she is?

Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all? It's haughty Princess Anne. When I was in my late teens I wrote to Princess Anne asking her to do something with her hair. What a waste of a stamp that was.

Tuesday, 24 July 2018


I  recently won this bergamot scented candle in a cup and saucer at a tombola stall in Pickering, North Yorkshire, they were raising money for FWUK (Fallen Women UK) it's a great cause, generating awareness and support for those with loose morals, it's a charity close to my heart. 

Isn't it hideous? The cup is actually attached to the saucer so it is of no use other than for what it is. Of all the prizes I could have won including a bottle of Grants whiskey, 5x1000 piece jigsaws of classic trains, a Lynx gift set I had to win that, the campiest thing on display 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth' crowed my maid of all work, Carmen. I'll make her eat those words when she unwraps it on Christmas day.

Saturday, 7 July 2018


The maid and I have just nipped out for some Jubblies.

Monday, 11 June 2018


I'm still feeling a bit rattled after Saturday night's earthquake. No major damage to report except for one or two petals had dropped off my beautiful cut peonies. 

Thursday, 24 May 2018

Back Soon

I've packed my bags, I've cleaned the floor, watch me walking, walking out the door. The Eurythmics - Would I Lie To You

Does anyone else clean their house from top to bottom before going away on holiday?

My maid of all work Carmen getting into the holiday mood with a banana.

Mitzi of the Lamp

For your viewing pleasure. Tat or treasure?

Great Aunt Alice's table lamp has me in fits and to think one day that will be all mine.

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Only at M&S

Are you gonna bingo?
Here's a picture of my mother doing what she enjoys the most, taking stuff back to M&S for a refund/exchange. 

I got caught in a sudden downpour today, dripping I was... dripping! "Aargh" exclaimed I as I misjudged the depth of a puddle and plunged in ankle deep, feet sodden. Oh, to be in Benidorm right now.

Sunday, 1 April 2018

Tuesday, 27 March 2018

Gripe of the Day

I was stuck behind a car who was stuck behind a cyclist who insisted on riding in the middle the road for over a mile, the car in front couldn't overtake  because of the  steady stream of traffic coming from the other direction but what really boiled my piss was seeing a cycle path just feet away. 

I clicked on this link for New Chic by mistake. I was appalled by the wares on offer. If anyone is struggling with a definition for 'oxymoron', I think New Chic just might do it.

Now I know where Camila Batmanghelidjh gets her shoes from.

Monday, 19 March 2018


In my branch of HSBC there is a quaint custom of raising money for charity. Inside there is a trestle table set-up and loaded with books, jigsaws and DVDs with a charity collection box for The Alzheimer's Society, take what you want and leave a donation it was the best 4p I've ever spent. They were collecting for the Alzheimer's Society and it was the best 4p I've ever spent. That's my mother's birthday present sorted. I'm feeling a bit guilty now, perhaps I should have given them 5p. Anyway, that's my mother's birthday present sorted.

Thursday, 15 March 2018

Mothering Sunday

I was unsure about what to buy m'maa for Mother's day so I put a scratch card inside a mother's day card, she looked aghast when she opened it and saw the scratch card, imagine Margo from the Good Life being presented with such a vulgar thing as a scratch card and you'll get the picture.

Picking it up with the tips of her thumb and forefinger as if it was a tramp's cock, she asked 'what am I suppose to do with this?' You're welcome mother!  She told me to shut the blinds in case a neighbour passing by should see her scratching it. She soon got to work, scraping away at the metallic ink with her nail, she was thrilled when a picture of a money bag was revealed and even more thrilled when she found another, clapping her hands together with joy, she won £50 in total and sent me off to the garage to cash it in, then silently mouthed at the door 'get me another one' so I did and she won a tenner, she told me to keep it. It got me thinking, I've often driven pass my mother's place and found her blind closed in the afternoon, it begs the question, what does she get up to in there?  She doesn't nap in the afternoon 'that's what old people do' I remember when I was about 12 I came home from school and noticed the kitchen blind had been pulled down, I walked in and found my mother topless, weighing her breasts on the kitchen scales and she has the nerve to call me eccentric.

Wednesday, 7 March 2018

Moaning Coffee

At café Gio, Yumbo Centre I asked the waiter, the one with the mincing gait for 'Dos cafe con leche, por favor'. When the coffee arrived 5 minutes later, it was served in an asymmetric cup, the handle didn't have a hole in it to put your fingers through, the waiter got no 'gracias' from me I can tell you. I just sat there glaring at it, wanting to smash it to bits and grind the broken pieces into the waiter's hand. It was nice coffee though.

Sunday, 18 February 2018

Back Soon!

I'm going to the dogs, the "Islands of the Dogs" (canarias) where everyday is circa 1972.

Warning: At 1:00 contains excessive tambourine some viewers may find offensive.