Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Matches Made In Heaven

I was leafing through the latest edition of Perruque et Corset magazine (it's one of Carmen's, she buys it for the competitions) when I spotted an interesting article for sale in the classified ads. I quickly became excited.

A 2ft long gypsy caravan made entirely out of matchsticks!

Thursday, 14 January 2016

Top Tip For Cooks

Vagisil Wash is ideal for removing fishy smells from your hands.

Thursday, 7 January 2016

Hot pants In January

View from restaurant window.

Friday, 1 January 2016

Happy New Year!

Let's see in the New Year with a make-up tip from the lovely Beverley.

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Christmas Decorations

My maid of all work Carmen has been busy putting up the Christmas whimsies.

Friday, 11 December 2015

Wednesday, 9 December 2015


40 minutes from Alicante airport brings you to that very high-class holiday destination Benidorm, Spain's answer to Manhattan.

The outside temperature at best, touched a balmy 25°c (in November!). I couldn't have wished for better weather, if you're thinking about going to Benidorm out of season, you'll be wise to bring a pullover with you as the evenings can be quite nippy.

Carmen took this footage of expats working out on the beach. Every morning at around 10 o'clock they'd be out there, kicking and flinging. Can anyone tell me the name of the tune being played, a friend of mine wants to know. 

After such wonders we returned to England with a heavy heart. Grey overcast skies accompanied by mizzle greeted us at Doncaster airport.

Saturday, 14 November 2015

I'm Lliving In Shame...Baking Shame!

Banana bread. The least said about them the better.
These taste great, but like Mama, as mentioned in the above video, they look a mess.

Mini Baked Berry Cheesecakes
7oz cream cheese
2oz caster sugar
2 eggs
1tbsp custard powder
grated rind of a lemon
vanilla extract
3oz of berries of your choice

Preheat the oven at 180c gas 4
In a large mixing bowl beat together the cream cheese, sugar, eggs, vanilla extract and lemon rind. Spoon the mixture in a baking tin.
Liquidise the berries, add sugar to the fruit if you prefer and swirl a spoon  of the fruit puree into the centre of each cheesecake
Bake for 20 mins or until the smoke alarm goes off.

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Carry On Cruising

Southampton, England

Vigo, Spain

Lisbon, Portugal

Gran Canaria, Canary Islands

Tenerife, Canary Islands

Madeira, Portugal

La Coruna, Spain


Cruise total 3,339

1 Nautical Mile = 1.15 land miles.

Where in the world? After a day at sea on board the Celebrity Eclipse we arrived at this place. I was just in the mood to 'Spend Spend Spend' like Viv Nicholson. Imagine my disappointment to find all the shops were shut due to a public holiday. We weren't told about this, otherwise I would have booked a shore excursion, though after visiting Rome a few years ago I never want to be guided around another monument as long as I live. I don't want to be told how many bricks it took to make the frigging thing. We had a walk around the deserted town centre and had a cafĂ© con leche in a betting shop, and as we were walking back to the ship my maid of all work Carmen found a Pikante and joy of joys, it was open. A clue to the whereabouts of this place is in the link.

Our cabin steward was called Jon from the Philippines, he asked us if we would like our beds pushing together. I don't bleeding think so! Cruise tip: Don't whatever you do, greet the cabin staff of foreign extraction with a cheery 'Hello, how are you?' Otherwise, they will tell you in a long drawn out, boring account of their dreary lives back home. 'How are you?' is a salutation, a rhetorical question, not an open invitation for them to bleat on and on and on. Nip it in the bud and learn not to use it.
The grand library crammed with an array of thought provoking books including Katie Price & Peter Andre Uncensored.
Adults only solarium.
No Carmen, it's not that sort of sling!

Where to next?

Thursday, 29 October 2015


I've never been sunburnt in England in October, until three weeks ago when we took a horseless carriage from Southampton to Bournemouth for a day out. The weather was a balmy 75 degrees leaving me red faced and furious with Carmen for not packing my facial sun bonnet.

Monday, 26 October 2015

Where In The World?

Winchester home of the famous Winchester cathedral. Less cathedral more like The House of Mammon with it's £7.50 entrance fee.

Mitzi and her trusty maid of all work, have been on their travels again, but where have they been?

Over the coming days, Mitzi will post a picture, all you have to do is simply identify the location from the photograph like the one below, for your chance to win absolutely nothing at all.

After an exhausting four hour drive (exhausting for Carmen) we arrived at Oxford for an overnight stay, the next morning we set off on the road again for a half day trip to this place. But where is it? Clue: Ask Frank, he'll know!

Naked man on a horse, I would love to ride bareback with him, side saddle of course, being the elegant lady of distinction that I am .

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Holiday Reading

That's the packing done. I'll be off then.

Monday, 5 October 2015

Teacup Etiquette

How to stir a cup of tea for 'The socially less fortunate'

Saturday, 3 October 2015

Because Using A Plate Would Be Weird

we want plates are crusading against restaurants that serve food on gimmicky tableware including: Squid served up in a sweaty clog, mushy peas in a shell, a fried breakfast in a sundae glass.

In a restaurant at Manchester airport a few months ago, I was served a 'garden burger' in a wooden seed tray with a terracotta plant pot of chips on the side, and if my memory serves me correctly the staff were wearing green dungarees. I was not amused.

One disgruntled commenter asked:

  1. Mary Berry
  2. Why does everything have to be served on a fucking roof tile?! What ever happened to a good old plate?! 

Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Because You're Worth It

This woman accidentally used expanding foam instead of shampoo. Daft mare.