Tuesday, 23 July 2019

Occasional Carmen Table

A welcome addition to any home.

Monday, 15 July 2019

How Much?

                                                      Click to enlarge      
Photo taken in WHSmith at the Wetherby motorway services. 

                          The dirty, evil, robbing bastards!

Thursday, 11 July 2019

Flange

Not a map exactly, it's a fly-by image of Flange taken by Mariner 10 and it's the planet I hail from. It's 800 light years away from Earth in the northern constellation of Quim. Amazingly Flange has got three moons Avon, Betterware and Ringtons and they are all shaped like baked potatoes. If it wasn't so difficult to get to, Flange would make an ideal holiday destination with it's lovely pink beaches with mild temperatures of 270°C from March to October. Spend a day catching crabs amongst the white chrysotile rocks or take a dip in the sea that rivals the waters of san antonio de los cobres, argentina, Earth. 'Come on in, the water's lovely'. However, the lack of oxygen in the Flangian atmosphere could spoil moonbathing somewhat.


Acrylic pouring for beginners here



Tuesday, 9 July 2019

Stuffed Prunes

Mouth watering, aren't they?

In a mixing bowl put: 
1 scoop of vanilla protein powder
1 teaspoon of peanut butter
1 teaspoon of ground almonds
and enough honey to form a dough.
Form dough into balls, split prunes in half and stuff.

If you don't like prunes you can use dates instead.

Monday, 17 June 2019

Back Soon

I took the car out for a little spin the other day, on my way home a small deer came bustling out of someone's front garden and leapt straight onto the road and onto my bonnet damaging both the bonnet and the front parking sensor. It did go with a thud, followed by this awful wailing sound, the shock of it all made me forget I was driving an automatic and I used both my feet to stop the car, I nearly went through the windscreen, the screeching of the tyres brought everyone to their windows, a man came out tapped on my window and asked if I was 'alright mate' then he disappeared inside and came back out with 2 black bin bags and together we disposed of the deer, the man carried the deer on his shoulder he turned to me and said quite cheerly 'waste not, want not' then slapped the beast's rump. This happened in Beeford, twinned with Royston Vasey.






Sod this bastard weather, I'm off on holiday. I'll leave you with this raucaus little number. 

Tuesday, 11 June 2019

Free Inside...

this months Digital Camera magazine, an anal douche bulb. Alright Mr Demille, I'm ready for my close-up.


Sunday, 9 June 2019

Queen



No family is safe when I sashay.

This is the 10th most played song on Mitzi's iTunes with a play count of 48. The rest, as follows:

1 Life on Mars - David Bowie 74
2 Point of View - DB Boulevard 72
3 Mother of Pearl - Roxy Music 67
4 Fire - Kasabian 66
5 Nobody's Side - Elaine Paige 63
6 Everything Now - Arcade Fire 57
7 Amateur Hour - Sparks 56
8 Tonight We Fly - The Divine Comedy 52
9 Monument - Royksopp 52
10 Queen - Perfume Genius 48

Am I the only person in the world who still uses an ipod? 

Thursday, 16 May 2019

Melissa Ede One In £4 Million

I was deeply saddened to hear about the death of  Melissa Ede 58, just 18 months after winning £4 mil on a scratch card and after spending £40k on new choppers too. Our paths did cross once in Tesco.

Wednesday, 8 May 2019

Current Mood

After spending a small fortune on a Mary Shaw painting. 

Wednesday, 1 May 2019

Puerto De La Cruz - Tenerife

Anne Hegerty?
Jane and Lance Hattatt?
Knock knees and fancy free. It's true, vertical stripes do make you look thinner.
Free ride to Loro Parque. Photo taken on board the yellow land train. 


Nothing much changes in Puerto De La Cruz it is still 1978. Previous Tenerife post  here

Friday, 19 April 2019

Raffaella Carra - Do It Do It Again

I leave for sunnier climes in about an hour, so while I'm away feel free to have a little dance to this energetic little number, head flicks at your own risk, I don't want to be sued for whiplash.

Wednesday, 17 April 2019

Holiday Books


                                  Arrived just in time.

Look what passed through my bristled slot this morning. Recommended by Jon on Mr Peenee's blog the Brenda and Effie mysteries

I can't wait to read them.

Bought second hand from Amazon (I couldn't buy them new anywhere) all in pristine condition except for one, The Bride That Time Forgot has been well fingered, not surprising really, it had been a library book. The maid's in the kitchen as I type, disinfecting it's cover and going through each page with a duster just in case anything nasty is lurking inside it. I've seen some horrific things been used as bookmarks from public libraries. *shudders*  Thank goodness for Kindle.

Monday, 15 April 2019

Half-Baked




Imagine you're a waitress working in a café and in walks a customer wearing a Moncler field jacket with a maid in tow, you go immediately to that customer and curtsey, the customer once seated, asks you for a baked potato with beans and cheese with a simple request, that the beans go on first and the cheese goes on top. Did you get that or are you screwing your face up, scratching your head saying eh... like the waitress I had this afternoon? Three sodding times I told that serving wench how I'd like it prepared and each time I was met with a blank stare. She wasn't even a foreigner, she had a Yorkshire accent. I told Carmen to have a go as I was losing the will to live.

Carmen: She (pointing at me) wants a jacket spud (common) with beans and cheese, put the beans on first and the cheese on second, she doesn't like it the other way around because the cheese melts and it goes all stringy and it reminds her of worms and she won't eat it.

Me to waitress: I'll just have a toasted tea-cake instead and a pot of tea please.

Tuesday, 9 April 2019

New Album

Paul McCartney reveals new album artwork.


Tuesday, 5 March 2019

Council House Fayre

Scouring the refrigerated shelves in Home Bargains I saw something that piqued my interest, not quite believing my eyes I picked it up for a closer inspection, a woman with a tattooed neck and a diamante earring stuck in her top lip told me it was 'fucking lush that is, grated on top ov chips'. How does someone of my refinement answer to that? I just smiled graciously and placed the product into my basket, when she was out of my eye shot I put it back on the shelf.