Sunday, 15 May 2016

Espana Por Favor

I'm off to Spain with the girls. Back soon.

Wednesday, 27 April 2016

Friday, 22 April 2016

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

RIP Victoria Wood

It's a sad day for me today. Victoria Wood has died aged 62 after a short battle with cancer.

They are dropping like flies.

Sunday, 17 April 2016

He Has Risen

Spotted at Abingdon Street market, Ronnie Corbett.

Thursday, 7 April 2016

Feeling Peckish?

Woman finds a bird's nest in her bush.

Wednesday, 23 March 2016

Adult Colouring Book

Colouring books for adults are all the rage nowadays. My Maid of All Work, Carmen, has taken up the trend. Is she regressing back to her childhood I wonder? It is a worry. She's sat on the couch as I type, merrily scratching away with her coloured pencils, her tongue is lolling out, she looks like a simpleton.

Colouring-in pretty pictures isn't going to get the washing-up done or the beds made, is it?

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Are You Being Served Again?

Good news for Are You Being Served fans, the show is set to return for a one off special later this year.

My excitement quickly vanished when I learnt that Sherry Hewson is to play the part of Mrs Slocombe, she's about as funny as heart disease, they should have offered that role to Gwen Taylor or better still Penelope Keith. I'm not looking forward to seeing this at all.

Sunday, 21 February 2016

Monday, 15 February 2016

Valentine's Day Mascara

Sameer Patel's top selling card for the 10th year running.
I sent an anonymous Valentine's card to my maid of all work Carmen. She is prone to outbursts of latinesque hysteria and I didn't want a repeat of last year's performance when she locked herself away in her room, wearing her dead mother's eau de nil wedding dress, playing The Old Maid In The Garret on a continuous loop for hours on end. I had a severe case of crise de nerf that day, I can tell  you and had to lie down with the hartshorn, all because no one had bothered to send the daft cow a Valentine's card.

I disguised my handwriting by holding the pen at it's very top and using green ink I wrote 'Love from DS xx' I left it on the mat for her to pick up. She was thrilled when she saw it was addressed to her, she even had the nerve to smile at me in a superciliously way. Then she opened it, saw the initials, shuddered and pulled a face. She must have guessed DS stood for David Scott, a big oily fruit who still lives with his mother, an old bitch that we often see being pushed around in a wheelchair by David in Beverley market. David is a tight fisted, petty minded arrogant little shit who somehow managed to woo Carmen in the past with his slippery silver tongue. Oh how I laughed.

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

Matches Made In Heaven

I was leafing through the latest edition of Perruque et Corset magazine (it's one of Carmen's, she buys it for the competitions) when I spotted an interesting article for sale in the classified ads. I quickly became excited.

A 2ft long gypsy caravan made entirely out of matchsticks!

Thursday, 14 January 2016

Top Tip For Cooks

Vagisil Wash is ideal for removing fishy smells from your hands.

Thursday, 7 January 2016

Hot pants In January

View from restaurant window.

Friday, 1 January 2016

Happy New Year!

Let's see in the New Year with a make-up tip from the lovely Beverley.

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Christmas Decorations

My maid of all work Carmen has been busy putting up the Christmas whimsies.