Thursday, 23 September 2021

Blackpool

I've just returned from a trip to Blackpool, it wasn't planned, I had another spontaneous moment, it happened whilst I was in the garden I was just chucking a few things in the blue bin when I heard seagulls screeching overhead, I was reminded of sunny days at the seaside I went back indoors, told the maid to go online and book a decent hotel in Blackpool, I emphasized the word 'decent' in a slow manner as if addressing a small child with learning difficulties, I still shudder in horror at the time she booked Trades Hotel *shudders* at the memory (No, I don't want to talk about it, the emotional scars have yet to heal) 

We left within the hour.

I'm having problems arranging photographs, so in no particular order:
 
Cuban heels in Pavers, ideal for dancing at the tower ballroom.

Best Weston Blackpool. Isn't it ridiculous having a bath in the bedroom, especially one in a twin room, luckily there was a proper bathroom with a shower behind that door. I like to do private things while I'm taking a bath, like shave my nether regions, smear my wet lips (facial) with shampoo and blow bubbles and use a douche bulb, I can't very well do all that with Carmen in the same room watching, it would be streamed live to the nation via social media in no time, a few years ago I wouldn't have minded.
 
Tower for an hour? 

It was nice to see the girls again. View outside the hotel window, despite the clouds the weather was quite pleasant.

There's room to roam at Scarlets!
Pay by the hour? *purses lips*



Sunday, 19 September 2021

Smear Free Windows

Taken at the King Billy public house, Carmen (pictured above) had a pint (her sort usually do) and I had a sweet sherry.

For smear free windows and mirrors, fill a spray bottle with neat vodka, don't use the expensive kind,  Russo Baltique or even Beluga Gold Line will do, spray onto your windows and wipe down with a bit of kitchen roll, you'll be amazed. Use it on your specs too.

Wednesday, 8 September 2021

Monday, 6 September 2021

This Much is True

This is the book I'm frothing at the clopper to read This Much Is True by Miriam Margolyes due to be released on September 16th. I'm not a big fan of autobiographies/biographies I'm not interested in the personal lives of celebrities, however memoirs are quite different, they're nearly always filled with salacious gossip, otherwise why bother. My parsimonious nature won't allow me to fork out £16 for it so I will just have to be patient and wait until I find it in the bargain bin at The Works or better still at the book table in Morrison's or failing that, take it out of my maid of all work's wages, I could always put towards it.

Here is the lovely lady herself reminiscing about the time she met an American soldier!

Sunday, 29 August 2021

Becoming Wet Later On



 
With his love for pastel colours, fancy brooches and floral accessories and having a sing-song voice and a mincing gait I suspect Owain Wyn Evans could be Welsh.



Here is Owain bashing one out on the drums.

Monday, 23 August 2021

Dobbies

My visit to Dobbies garden centre, York, was further enhanced by this gorgeous piece of artwork found on the back of the toilet door, it's of a beautiful and rare orchid.


 

Thursday, 19 August 2021

Greetings From Scarborough


I don't know what possessed me, I only nipped out to Tesco Express for a loaf of bread and I ended up catching the train to Scarborough, unchaperoned.

Tuesday, 17 August 2021

Rose de Mort

It's been just over a month since I took six rose cuttings from my sister's memorial rose bush, situated in the garden of remembrance at the cemetery, two of them rotted within days and had to be removed. Shall we see if the remaining four have taken? Fingers crossed!



Strike it lucky, two and a half out of four is not bad, one had lost it's leaves, that'll get binned and another is callousing which is a good sign.



CORRECTIONS & CLARIFICATIONS in my last post titled Flog-em I made a wild claim saying that two members of the public sat waiting for a 'self' valuation were myself and my maid of all work Carmen and in one of the comments I made to Jon I implied I had carnal pleasure with one of Flog It's portly valuers. It's all untrue, I don't know who the ghastly trollops are and I would never buy clothes from a charity shop.

Friday, 13 August 2021

Flog-em!


Eagle eyed viewers would have spotted the maid and I trying to sell ourselves on Flog It!

No reserve!


Saturday, 7 August 2021

Flypaper Cafe!


It's difficult to enjoy a toasted teacake in a classy indoor market cafe in Castleford (oxymoronically speaking) whilst looking at a collection of dead flies hanging off a menu board.

Thursday, 5 August 2021

Tuesday, 3 August 2021

Thursday, 29 July 2021

The Antiques emporium/Garden Centre Continued

More old shit.

Greenery really brings out the queenery within us all.

Thursday, 22 July 2021

Tatting at the Garden Centre



Skirlaugh Garden Centre and Aquatics is a hidden gem, situated in the East Riding of Yorkshire 7 miles from Hull, it's a medium size garden centre of many faces, you enter through the main door straight into a gift shop, I bought my maid of all work Carmen, a bar of bergamot and ginger scented soap, I know, I'm a fool to myself, but I have learnt that maids who know there are no lagniappes coming to them, can turn  savage and there isn't a lock on my bedroom door! From the gift shop we made our way to the restaurant I just had a black coffee (I usually take it with milk but I was flagging with the heat, I needed a caffeine kick) Carmen had a banana milkshake and a huge slice of chocolate cake, the gormandising fat cow and she wonders why she's 17 stone with type 2 diabetes! 

We saw a badly dressed transvestite at the garden centre, eyeing up a Sweet William, she was wearing a floor length cheesecloth skirt and clutching her pink gerbera, we looked the other way and pretended not to have noticed.


The close proximity to Hull means I have to carry a vinaigrette of smelling salts in case I hear any foul language from the other customers or if I see anyone with oversized Nye Bevan dentures as worn by the over 80s.

Hull people use a strange cant, here are some examples of what I picked up on:
Ere y'ar mam, you bool trolley. (here you are mother, you push the trolley)
Innit mafting? (Isn't it hot?)
I'll get some of them for bairns (pronounced baines, meaning small children)
Notice the lack of the definite article.

Thanks to Carmen for the translation.



I love scouring around old junk shops/house clearance places looking at priceless old tat from homes that good taste forgot.

Hilda Ogden and ceramic horrors.

Jilted Jill is destined to spend the rest of her days as Queen of the shit tip if nobody makes an honest woman of her.

Anything catch your eye?

 

Tuesday, 6 July 2021

Monstrous Visions In Green and yellow

Just because Christmas tree and Chrysanthemum both start with the letters CH doesn't mean that they go well together Carmen.

I would like to thank both Garden News and Amateur Gardening for their free seeds, they really made my garden look an absolute eyesore. I suspect Carol Klein has a hand in choosing the seeds, as much as I admire Carol I find her taste in plants leaves a lot to be desired.

Shasta daisies can be found growing wild in any hedgerow in the UK.

Cephalophora, ugly, yellowish green flowers, the one saving grace about these plants are their excellent smell of pineapple. 

Cosmos, hideous looking carrot top bush with piss yellow flowers, the picture depicted on the seed packet looked lovely.


Chrysanthemum x Ragwort and by the look of their opening buds, yet more yellow (see top photo) I can't comment on the Zinnias just yet as they're not in flower. 

My maid of all work "that good taste forgot" Carmen, visited a garden centre last year, she came back with a bag of dahlia tubers (cause they were going cheap) and a monkey puzzle tree, yet more green and yellow, you couldn't make it up.

Vile!

I was looking forward to having a salmon pink garden this year, ah well, there is always next year, if I'm spared.

And one other thing, my Strong Annabelle hydrangea has been looking like broccoli for weeks!