As Plain as a Digestive Biscuit

My morning cup of tea went missing this morning, it's true. Yorkshire tea, precisely three minutes seeped, gone! I hunted high and low for it, with no joy I even convinced myself that the house is haunted, a ghost with a penchant for tea, the thieving spectral bastard. I thought to myself what would the late Clodagh Rodgers have done in a situation like this then I remembered a poem about Saint Anthony, the patron saint of lost things. Something's lost and can't be found please St Anthony look around, still no joy. I had a dental appointment to attend, I left the maid at home mowing the grass, after my check up I decided to do a bit of shopping on the high street and then I popped into a cafe for a toasted tea-cake and a diet coke.

I love people watching, it didn't take me long to scan the room and focus my beady eye on someone, a big lass with a bow in her hair, 

See the man in the distance, when she upped and left, he kept giving me the glad eye! Time to leave!

I didn't see what she looked like from the front until she got up to pay, I was expecting her to have a septum piercing or a tattooed neck, something to give her an edgy look, but there was nothing, she wore a blue pleated skirt to match the bow in her hair, white socks and a pair of plain black court shoes, as she walked past my table a little acid reflux crept into my throat causing a burning sensation. I blamed the diet coke. I've seen make-up free women before, of course, so I wasn't totally catatonic with shock when I saw her face, however, seeing someone so ordinary, a genuine plain Jane unsettled me somewhat. I'm sad to say it but looking like that, she is destined to be a spinster. After finishing my tea-cake and looking round to see who else I could inwardly slag off I received a message from Carmen with an attached picture, she had found my cup of tea!