For Your Viewing Pleasure

Spring has well and truly arrived, the sap has risen and with it came the realisation that I have been leaving the house in far too many layers of clothes.

Talk of the Wash House

 

That's all the holiday washing completed, it's taken Carmen 3 days, the lazy cow.

Kunst

 I'm very tempted to buy some 'artwork' by Lauren Harries the Welsh 'Marilyn'.

Benidorm Indoor Market

                                 Just a quick one to break the blogging drought.

Standing proud, an outfit for Scarlet.

The woman I was telling Jon about with the red streaky hair, she had green eye shadow to match her jacket, shame she didn't turn round for the full effect.

Thou Shall Not Be Common In Benidorm

There is some truth in the saying 'Red sky in the morning sailor's warning' or "shepherd's pie" if you're a div like my well-nourished maid of all work, Carmen, the above photograph was taken last Saturday, later that evening there was torrential rain and thunder storms. I haven't been sleeping too good, my fat arsed, over cushioned maid has been keeping me awake at night with her incessant snoring.

Brown toilet paper have you ever seen the likes?

(You can't tell it's brown from the photograph and you couldn't tell if it needed wiping again, just to be on the safe side and for peace of mind, I used the bidet.

She's all dressed up and ready to fall in love.

The ideal footwear for showing him who's boss.

A staff member at the hotel du bonbon, her friendly, fun appearance belied her true character, which was carping.

Happy Christmas!

No expense spared on Christmas decorations at the Cita Centre, Gran Canaria.

Spotted in M&S

For Your Viewing Pleasure

Taken at the Castle Tea Room, York.

Yesterday was yet another American tradition that has spread around the world, Black Friday, and it's one I welcome with open arms. After spending an exhausting afternoon traipsing the heaving streets of York I thought I would spoil my maid with a cup of tea and a slice of cake, nothing gladdens the heart more than an old fashioned non-chain cafe that serves tea in the traditional way, in a tea pot with the sort of cup and saucers your nanna would have had 'for best' and served by a motherly figure wearing a tabard, she brought the tea tray and cakes to the table with a cheery 'there you go love' that's Yorkshire for bon appetite.  You'll never get sort of service from those soulless coffeehouse chains, talking of which, I was in one last week, not by choice, I was meeting friends, I ordered a cup of tea and was presented with a mug of hot water with a teabag floating in it, no teapot, can you imagine that? If it wasn't for my friends who were waiting patiently for me to join them, I would have walked out in disgust. Another thing I despise about those establishments is the enforced servility of the staff, 'enjoy your tea/coffee etc, have a nice day' you're on minimum wage, why should you fucking care if I enjoy my tea or not, of course I don't voice what I'm thinking, otherwise I'd be locked up, but I did yesterday, as I entered a Ralph Lauren shop, the door bitch was proudly boasting that "there's 25% off everything in store today", so I asked her, does that mean everything was 25% overpriced to start with? I didn't wait for her reply. Whilst unfolding the polo shirts, I over heard two woman talking about Brenda Lee and the song Rocking Around The Christmas Tree that was playing in the shop at the time, it went something like this: 

Ere, you know lass singing this song?

Yer, it's good innit?

She's just released it's first ever video forrit 65 years after she recorded it.

Eee fancy! I thought she were dead.

Me too.

What wor it like, have you seen it?

Yer, it wor crap.

 

Where Are You?

I hear you ask. I'm here!

 

Laugh and the World Laughs At You

Dahlia on the Piano

                                                     For your viewing pleasure.

From the garden. A whopping 10 incher! Strawberry Ice dahlia, Barbara Cartland would have loved it, with festival white Gypsophila.

   

Jelly On A Plate...

You may be wondering why I'm showing you a picture of my grandad's old walking stick, I recently bought a skipping rope with a built in LCD display including a mode that counts how many jumps you've done, my goal was to perform 1000 jumps a day, a bit ambitious for someone who has never skipped before, Thursday evening I was on my 934th jump when I heard something that sounded like a bread knife piercing through a cabbage, I felt something give in my right calf and I was brought down to my knees (a bit like in Bears Bar but only quicker), the next day, Friday I became a cripple, my legs refused to work, I could stand and shuffle my feet but that's all, it reminded me of the time I took a short cut through a farmer's freshly ploughed field and became stuck in the mud, unable to move. I've been using the stick to get around the house, though never in public, thanks to some Ibuprofen gel, it has greatly improved and I'm able to walk unaided.

In my incapacitated state I was able to observe my maid of all work doing her household duties, she sprays Mr Sheen on her stockinged toes then goes around the house dusting the skirting boards using her foot (and she has the nerve to call me eccentric), she reminded me of Sue Kent from Gardener's World.

Bridlington

I would love one of these to adorn my landing at home, it's a maid aquarium. Hotel Platjador, Sitges.
The two friends we met up with, Paul and Darren (aka Sharon and Tracy) live in Blackpool and are cheap and common, hence the 3 star establishment.

Pass the tanning butter. Yesterday at Bridlington. I was topless sunbathing with the maid in this floral nook, the gentle sound of the waves lulled me to sleep I woke 20 minutes later feeing disorientated, for a few seconds I thought I was back in Sitges, I sat up and saw this sight on the beach and was brought instantly to my senses.

Here comes a bikini whale Ahhhhhhhh!

Wait for me boys! Nooo, don't run away! Distant view of Flamborough.

Note to self, cancel Prime Thurs

 

Letting It All Hang Out

Get out of the way you silly cow!

 Getting hotter by the day..

For Jon. Sitges.