My friend Cheryl paid me a visit this morning I was telling her about my recent trip to Harrogate and showed her the expensive purchase I made at an antique shop, a Rene Lalique Blue Saphira Bud Vase £950. She gasped and marvelled at it and gasped again and said how she wished she could afford such a luxury, she was really taken with it. Saying our goodbyes on the door step I told her to wait there a minute, I went back inside grabbed the vase off the mantelpiece, opened the front door and handed it over to Cheryl. I told her to keep it as I cannot justify spending that much money on myself and shut the door on her before she had time to protest. I will have to tell her at some point that it's just an empty reed diffuser I bought for 6 quid from Barnsley market, it still had a whiff of Tuberose about it. The gullible cow!
I think I have found a new vocation in life, as an actress, albeit a hammy one.
Will you ever tell Cheryl? Or will you wait for her appearance on Antiques Roadshow for her to find out?!
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Or Flog-it or Dickenson's Real Deal I can see her on the latter with one of the dealers and getting top whack for it. Her husband who has more nous, told her it was rubbish and I confirmed it via text message, she's still keeping it though.
ReplyDeleteOr on one of the HGTV shows we've been inventing over at Infomaniac.
DeleteI misspelt Dickinson.
DeleteI love the Antiques Roadshow, I like watching the people's faces trying to look nonchalant when they have been told that their clock is more Honolulu than Ormolu and it's only worth a tenner.
Yes, definitely an antique programme. Professional bargain hunters, antiques dealers and old tat entrepreneurs Scarlet and Mitzi are doing a house viewing looking for antiques and collectables to sell at MJ's Auction House, Scarlet can be seen tatting about in mouldy old cardboard boxes without any joy, now we see a close up of Scarlet fumbling through a suitcase full of old scud mags from the 70s the pages of which are all stuck together after a further rummage hidden away at the bottom of the suitcase she sees an unmistakable glint of gold, she calls for Mitzi to come over. The camera Cuts. We exit the house laden down with krugerrands, stuffed in our underwear. That sort of thing.
I had a favourite x-rated bookstore across the border which I was known to frequent. I picked up many fab gay beefcake mags back in the day. They made excellent gifts. The place has since shut down so we can't use it as a filming location for our HGTV show. Alas.
DeleteAt one time you could buy a 'top shelf' mucky mag from any newsagents, then in the 90s they started wrapping them up in grey plastic so mischievous children like myself couldn't flick through them and leave wide open on a lower 'respectable' shelf for passers-by to see. The miserable killjoys.
DeleteI love the scent of tuberose, heavy and slutty.
ReplyDeleteIt's gorgeous, when the top and heart notes of slut have evaporated you're left with a heady base note of whore's garret. For street prostitute I recommend Tigerlily it lingers.
ReplyDeleteIt's still pretty. I really like the color! Sometimes I think my spouse and I are just reincarnated crows. We collect boxes and blue-green glass in a variety of shapes. (This would have made the collection!) We tried to be Minimalist's once and got rid of most of our box collection.
ReplyDeleteIf I knew that I would have sent you it. I used to collect those Air Wick scented candle glass holders and I would tell people they're Murano.
DeleteRené Lalique is turning in his grave as we speak... Jx
ReplyDeleteHe'd be spinning like a demented windmill. WB!
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