Thursday, 18 February 2021

Churls Without Pearls

THIS CUNTRY'S LIFE
VOL MMVIII NO1, FEBRUARY 18, 2021


Miss Donna-Marie Duffield 

Donna-Marie is a fish fryer and server at the Happy Haddock fish and chip shop in the sleepy seaside town of Withernsea. She like lads and scrap butties. She is the daughter of Chantelle Duffield of Withernsea, East Yorkshire.

 

15 comments:

  1. She looks like a "Happy Haddock" sort of girl. Jx

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    1. She has got a look of Kate Bush, if you squint long enough at her picture.

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    2. Some kind of "bush", or perhaps "shrub"; that much is clear. Jx

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    3. or a ripped out fire place.

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  2. Darling, darling Mitzi,

    How we have laughed and laughed at this.

    If you are not in a top flight journalism post, specialising in society pages, then there is no justice and life is not fair.

    'Country Life' was launched in 1897 and has been published weekly since then. However, we have absolutely no doubt that you could send that publication into bankruptcy once 'The Cuntry's Life' hits the newsstands.

    Miss Duffield represents the new wave of 'society' which we shall all want to see more of when the pandemic is over. The perfect pout already and a nose job just waiting for the right surgeon to become available, Miss Duffield represents post-pandemic beauty that your readers will soak up.

    Wanting more, your readers will no doubt thumb your pages desperately seeking the latest travel advice where, of course, you will be able to direct them [there is helpfully a huge lighthouse] to the delights of Withernsea.

    Withernsea or 'Wiv' to the locals will, of course, become a tourist hot spot and the 'Happy Haddock' will never have been happier. Scrap butties will be the new pizza and the lads will have a field day with busloads of Olivias, Amelias and Sophias arriving from down south.

    No more sleep for Wiv. No more sleep for Donna-Marie and, darling Mitzi, with the power of technology, you can control it all from Benidorm. Bliss!

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  3. A magazine to rival Country Life.

    Withernsea to become a tourist hotspot.

    Olivias, Amelias and Sophias hotfooting it to Wiv to teach the Jordons, McKenzies and the Kelly-Maes the rudiments of deportment.

    As for Miss Duffield, have you heard the one about Prince Charles and the Genie

    You are a tonic!

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    1. Darling Mitzi,

      Loved the story.

      Well, it certainly will take more than a Genie to make Miss Duffield the next Miss Universe.... but we shall all have fun trying!!!

      Darling Mitzi, you are the tonic....and the gin!!!:):)

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  4. This is not one of the Duffields of Withernsea - it's the Beckham lady without make-up, the pout gives it away.

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  5. She'll be fine after a few pieces of Sellotape are placed behind her ears to give her a bit of a lift, and then all she needs is a good pluck. And some Vaseline on the camera lens. Who needs a Genie?!
    Sx

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    1. A knee support worn over her head will give the desired effect of an upper facelift, worn on a jaunty angle will sort out that wonky eyebrow of hers. For the lower facelift, catgut and pulleys are needed.

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