Tuesday 28 July 2020

Wisteria Hysteria

 At the bottom of the garden a neighbour's wisteria spills out over the fence into my garden, I wanted to take some cuttings from it, if I can't go to the Mediterranean, then I will bring the Mediterranean to me. I went online to learn about propagating Wisteria, watched a few Youtube videos on the subject and then went for it. Quite easy really, I cut half an inch below a leaf node and half an inch above to create a T-bar, I wounded the stalk with a knife and stuck it in a mixture of 50% perlite 50% cutting compost and placed it in an homemade propagator (Yorkshire caution) a 2' plastic storage container with cling film stretched over it. Every day for over a month I fussed round it, misting it's leaves 3 times a day, making sure it didn't dry out, that it had enough light, not too hot, on Saturday morning I noticed that new growth had sprung up, I was thrilled. 

 I had a visitor this morning, a lesbian friend of mine who owns a garden centre (more of a shop really with an outside bit) her wife tends to the shop and she does gardening jobs, she often tends to my mother's unruly bushes, both front and rear. I showed her my wisteria cuttings, she took the pot and looked at it and then looked at me from over the rim of her glasses and told me it's not a Wisteria, but a common jasmine.


I've been playing nurse maid to something common. 

Jasminum officinale
I shall pot them on as they grow, but my hearts not in it. When I came home this afternoon these were waiting for me on the front door step, Wisteria Alba, a house warming present.

I moved them  round to the back garden, away from the neighbour's jealous gaze.

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19 comments:

  1. Jon28 July 2020 at 02:07

    Gawd bless the lesbians! They know everything you need to know about lady gardens. Jx

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  2. Ms Scarlet28 July 2020 at 08:47

    I so want some Wisteria, I love it, but I have never understood the pruning advice of cutting a half inch here and a millimetre there [in specific places] so that it will flower every year. I'd probably make the Common Jasmine shrivel and die.
    Sx

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    1. Mitzi 28 July 2020 at 20:10

      I would recommend a floribunda variety, they have much longer racemes than than the American variety. Don't let the pruning side of it put you off, four houses ago I had a wisteria growing up the garage I used to treat it as if it was privet, short back and sides with a bit off the top with the shears, no sacateur nonsense and it thrived. I've just transferred mine into decorative pots where they are going to stay until the trunk is strong enough to support itself then I'll plant it out, tree form.

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  3. The Mistress30 July 2020 at 12:19

    You'll have to explain "Yorkshire caution" to me. This term has never come up on Coronation Street, to the best of my knowledge.

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    1. Mitzi 30 July 2020 at 17:16

      Meaning to be tight fisted. Why pay £25+ for a propagator when an old storage box and cling film will work just as good. Coronation Street (Manchester) covers many districts but Yorkshire isn't one of them, it does share a border with West Yorkshire though. Maureen Lipman who plays Evelyn in Corrie is from Yorkshire and her character displays Yorkshire caution.

      Yorkshire Saying:

      'Ear all, see all, say nowt;
      Eyt all, sup all, pay nowt;
      And if ivver tha does owt fer nowt –
      Allus do it fer thissen.

      Translation: 'Hear all, see all, say nothing; Eat all, drink all, pay nothing; And if ever you do anything for nothing – always do it for yourself.

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    2. Mitzi 30 July 2020 at 17:20

      I must stress, we are not all like that.

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    3. Mitzi 30 July 2020 at 17:21

      Well... not all the time.

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    4. The Mistress31 July 2020 at 12:45

      Ta for the explanation. It was the first time I'd heard the term "Yorkshire caution."

      I later realized that I should have explained that all my knowledge about the UK comes from watching Coronation Streeet, even though it's based in the Manchester area, not Yorkshire. For example, I imagine you all go around eating eccles cakes and bacon butties regardless of what part of England you live in. If it's done that way on Corrie, it must be that way all over the country. Ha!

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    5. Jon31 July 2020 at 13:19

      Could be worse. Imagine if people believed everyone in the UK were like the characters in Last Of The Summer Wine. Jx

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    6. Mitzi 2 August 2020 at 09:30

      Oh Howard!

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  4. Inexplicable DeVice30 July 2020 at 15:35

    Oh dear, all that effort for common jasmine. Still, it'll smell delightful when it flowers!

    Excellent use of Hyacinth Bucket, btw.

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    1. Mitzi 30 July 2020 at 17:19

      It's rampant, it's already brushing up against the cling film.

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  5. mrpeenee31 July 2020 at 02:08

    I love jasmine and don't care how common it is, it's indestructible, smells fabulous, and is so lush growing it covers a world of sins. I'm also a big fan of wisteria for the same reasons. In the southern part of the US, it is so tough, controlingit is an ongoing battle, one I always thought was worth it.

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  6. 63mago31 July 2020 at 14:30

    Like Mr Peenee I like jasmin a lot. But I do not understand what is so special about Wisteria. In a house in another live we had that stuff growing like mad - it was my job to fight it back once a year. The masochistic plant liked what I did to her and came back even stronger.
    Nevertheless it was a nice show when a part of the house vanished under that blue fall.

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    1. Mitzi 2 August 2020 at 00:51

      I wouldn't like it growing up the house, it could bring down the giebelbrett.

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  7. THE ONLY TRUE HACKER IN THE WORLD ®29 September 2020 at 10:48

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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