Being the CEO of Street Whores Ltd I felt it was my duty to interact with my employees, get to know them better and listen to what they have to say, I donned a cunning disguise, a fedora hat on a jaunty angle and a floor length camel hair coat and took to Clitbridge-on-the-Froth with a film crew in tow and this is what one of my girls had to say.
There was this one guy, he asked me if I would put my whole hand up his arse, and I told him to jog-on...like fuckoff, no, ?&$? no, no, no, no, if I can't put a johnnie (condom) on it or protect myself, then no I'm not doing it. So then he come back about four weeks later with a cucumber, and it was like that long, and it was like that fat and he put a johnnie on it and he said I want you to put it up my arse, so I said alright then and I got £50 for it though, so I just put the end bit up, and he's going no I want you to ram it up, all the way, and he took the whole cucumber, and then I said to him, do you want me to throw it? and he put it in his shopping bag and said 'no' he was taking it home for his wife...for tea (dinner). So, his wife has had a cucumber for her tea that had been up his arse.
did not understand words except "cucumber". Poor lass may be on "h" or something. Reminds me of a video clip a fellow blogger once showed, with people from South London, also did not understand one word, thought it was from an outer planet, sorry.
ReplyDeleteI used the voice recognition, speech to text app on my phone and it went haywire, it didn't make any sense at all, the only words it picked up on were 'no,no,no arse and cucumber'. I wrote it all out for you, for your enjoyment.
DeleteThank You Mitzi, you shouldn't have bothered ...
DeleteI can still understand oop north talk.Struggling a bit with the cucumber, though!
ReplyDeleteOh well,happy Christmas to you and your maid-of-all-work.Don't let her get into the sherry!
Most of us would, especially one that long and that fat.
Deletewell, who would want to waste a perfectly good cucumber, especially one that big? You could have sandwiches off it for a week
ReplyDeleteI'm not that keen on cucumber, I find it leaves a bad taste in my mouth!
DeleteI understood it all perfectly. Is this bad?
ReplyDeleteSx
Have you been watching too much Corrie and Emmerdale. I used to watch Brookside in my youth and I started to pronounce the word 'nothing' as 'knot-in' my mother threatened to put me in a council care home if I didn't stop it. I stopped it.
DeleteI was never keen on salad. Jx
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