Something in the way he moves makes me sorry
I'm a lady." Baccara
Where have all the ladies gone? That's the question I asked myself today whilst I was out shopping in town. I had just finished my little jaunt around Home Bargains and was waiting outside the doorway for Carmen.
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| This woman bares a striking resemblance to Paul McCartney |
Also waiting on a busy street corner and within spitting distance from myself, was this ill bred and uncouth woman, wearing grey track suit bottoms, tucked into ugg boots, one floral tattooed hand was clutching a child's buggy with a brown baby in it, the other was holding a roll-up, she looked impatient and eager to be off somewhere, her nostrils were flared and her mouth looked like a mean slit. I noticed her gaze was set firmly on two men talking to each other on the other side of the road, I also noticed she had a floral tattoo behind one of her ears, her hair was cut short, the top layer of hair was bleached without using any toner, with high levels of colour graduations at the back, I suppose an artist would call yellow ochre to burnt sienna, burnt umber to mouse, her natural hair colour. I didn't have to hold my breath when I passed by her, because what she shouted at the top of her fog horn voice, for all to hear, took my breath away. "Oy Carl! Get your cock outa Pete's arse and get yer fucking sen over ere now!" Can you imagine the lovely Fiona Bruce or the late Noele Gordon using language like that on the street? No! Neither can I.
Yeah, it seems we are living in harsh times of less consideration and civility.
ReplyDeleteShe should have let Carl finish.
Common civility costs nothing. Poor wretched Carl, he's firmly under the scrubber dodger's thumb.
DeleteThe lady knows how to make a clear statement.
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly do I have to understand by Carl's "fucking sen" ?
The Yorkshire argot can be a bit tricky to understand. Sen = Self don't get me started on the glottal stop.
DeleteI'm right there.You paint a not so pretty picture. I often wonder where the ladies have gone. They're not in Iceland for sure where I heard, as did the entire shop, as a young woman screamed 'I don't even like fucking Battenberg. You know I can't fucking stand marzipan' at the older lady with her. The older lady, her mother, put the cake back and carried on shopping. If I'd have gobbed off like that to my mam, she'd have given me a swift slap backwards in to the Custard Creams. But she'd be very ladylike about it.Just like Angela Rippon.
ReplyDeletex
I'm quite fond of Battenberg cake. If I had spoken to my mother like that she would have put me in a council care home for wayward children. My mother is very ladylike too, she doesn't seem at all bothered by foul language, just as you'd expect cadaverous newsreader Moira Stewart to behave. However, unlike Moira, my mother makes frequent trips to the local shops in her slippers! I know, but what can I do about it when she doesn't have the grace to blush?
DeleteOoh, that could be the mean streets of Sheffield you're describing. Did you shit yer fucking sen at the uncouthness?
ReplyDeleteLadies, ladies, dispense with the fags, the Uggs, the trackie bottoms, and the fucking swearing, it cheapens you.
Fiona Bruce would have arched her eyebrow even higher than ever if she had witnessed that little vignette, but Noele would have waded in, I reckon she could curse like a bugger. Bonnie Langford, so recently dispatched from Dancing on Ice, held onto her femininity and dignity in the face of being kicked off before Gareth Gates, and is a role model for us all. xxxx
I didn't shit myself no... I fainted. A member of staff came out with a chair and a glass of water, whilst my maid of all work Carmen, passed a bottle of Sal Volatile under my nose, I soon came around. I do think the daily dose of reality is getting a bit too much for me. I was only in Meadowhall last week, still no Home Bargains!
DeleteI don't know why Carl just didn't move in with Pete in the first place and leave the slag with the sprog to her own devices...
ReplyDeleteIt's like Sodom and Gomorrah.
DeleteThis is very disappointing. I like to imagine you tottering on cobbles, carrying a loaf of Hovis and surrounded by the cast of Coronation Street.
ReplyDeleteSx
You'll have me singing this the next time I'm in town do'ing shop. I would rather have the cast of Emmerdale behind me then the perves in Corrie.
DeleteP.S who is the poor love who looks like Paul??
ReplyDeleteSx
Probably some Yorkshire lass.
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