Saturday, 23 November 2013

Satsuma and Dragonfruit

Whilst watching the omnibus edition of Emmerdale this morning, Carmen started to sing along to an advert that popped up, when all of a sudden she stopped her awful cacophony, I turned and looked at her, she had developed an expression on her face that suggests that a light bulb has just been switched on over her head, not an immediate light but one of those energy saving bulbs with a low wattage that takes forever to fully light up. The cause for this epiphany was this advert for Satsuma Loans featuring a song by Heart called How Do I Get You Alone. "Oh, I get it now", she said "It's How Do I Get You A Loan". The thick bitch! I've just sent her out to buy new bathroom scales.

Carmen shopping.





I bought a dragon fruit last week from Morrison's "£2.49 for one! I must need my frigging head testing. Anyway, if you've ever been tempted to buy one, then don't bother, you'll only end up being bitterly disappointed like I was, it has a melon like texture but it doesn't have any taste!

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17 comments:

  1. LẌ23 November 2013 at 18:13

    Carmen might enjoy this then.

    The dragon fruit certainly looks interesting. Maybe it's for throwing at intruders?

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    Replies
    1. Mitzi 23 November 2013 at 18:44

      Thanks for the link LX. I've just done a quick scan through Carmen's ipod, she has some right horrors in it, including Buck's fizz- Land Of Make Believe, Goombay Dance Band - Seven tears and Middle Of The Road with Chirpy Chirpy,Cheep Cheep, then it takes on a sinister twist with Iron Maiden's Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter and the theme tune to The exorcist, but sadly no Owner Of A Lonely Heart.

      Delete
  2. LẌ23 November 2013 at 18:18

    [back to tick notify. sorry]

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  3. mrpeenee24 November 2013 at 05:38

    I'm not sure you're supposed to eat it, it looks more like some kind of sex aid.

    And Carmen appears ready to pitch over in those puny little heels.

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    1. Mitzi 24 November 2013 at 18:27

      "I'm not sure you're supposed to eat it, it looks more like some kind of sex aid". I'll tell her you said that, she'll be thrilled.

      Delete
    2. Mitzi 24 November 2013 at 18:28

      You meant the dragonfruit didn't you?

      Delete
  4. Ivy Black24 November 2013 at 12:38

    I'll be honest, a citrus fruit singing a Heart ballad doesn't want to make me sign up for an inflated loan to start by own cat perming business. I bought a dragon fruit a while back because it looked so interested yet as you say such a let down. Tasted like cucumber filled with sand only not as nice. I might be tempted into a loan if a dragon fruit was singing. It wouldn't make any sense though. Unless it was called Dragon Fruit Loan. And that would just be stupid.xx

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    1. Mitzi 24 November 2013 at 18:38

      You can buy cats with curly hair now I don't know the name of the breed but you'll probably need a loan to buy one. In retrospect, I should have gone through the self service checkout and put the dragonfruit through as an apple and saved myself a few bob. How about a dog crimping business?

      Delete
  5. Anonymous24 November 2013 at 15:19

    Why should I go to a damn orange for money? I go to that nice old Italian gentleman in the pizzeria at the corner ...

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    1. Mitzi 24 November 2013 at 18:40

      Borrow £100 and spend the rest of your life paying it off.

      Delete
  6. ayeM8y24 November 2013 at 17:37

    Carmen might want to remove all that bulky clothing before weighing herself. It tends to add pounds to the total tally.

    Perhaps Dragon fruit is more ornamental rather than edible.

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    1. Mitzi 24 November 2013 at 18:48

      I'm always telling her to show more flesh, but she acts all shy and coy. I say if you've got it... flaunt it!

      Delete
  7. Ms Scarlet25 November 2013 at 17:41

    Erm.... thank you for explaining the advert; I am sharing the same light bulb as Carmen.
    Sx

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  8. Mitzi 26 November 2013 at 00:21

    You should sleep better tonight knowing that.

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  9. Unknown28 November 2013 at 12:38

    The picture of Carmen shopping has disturbed my own live-in maid, Belladonna. After I showed her the pic of Carmen, she spent the morning tweaking her own monstrous nipples and salivating like a rabid dog. I'm going to have to take Belladonna to the vets for a tranquiliser shot. Can you ask Carmen to try and be a little less sexy?

    ReplyDelete
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    funny article!

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    ReplyDelete

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