Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Carry On Cruising

Southampton, England

Vigo, Spain

Lisbon, Portugal

Gran Canaria, Canary Islands

Tenerife, Canary Islands

Madeira, Portugal

La Coruna, Spain


Cruise total 3,339

1 Nautical Mile = 1.15 land miles.

Where in the world? After a day at sea on board the Celebrity Eclipse we arrived at this place. I was just in the mood to 'Spend Spend Spend' like Viv Nicholson. Imagine my disappointment to find all the shops were shut due to a public holiday. We weren't told about this, otherwise I would have booked a shore excursion, though after visiting Rome a few years ago I never want to be guided around another monument as long as I live. I don't want to be told how many bricks it took to make the frigging thing. We had a walk around the deserted town centre and had a cafĂ© con leche in a betting shop, and as we were walking back to the ship my maid of all work Carmen found a Pikante and joy of joys, it was open. A clue to the whereabouts of this place is in the link.

Our cabin steward was called Jon from the Philippines, he asked us if we would like our beds pushing together. I don't bleeding think so! Cruise tip: Don't whatever you do, greet the cabin staff of foreign extraction with a cheery 'Hello, how are you?' Otherwise, they will tell you in a long drawn out, boring account of their dreary lives back home. 'How are you?' is a salutation, a rhetorical question, not an open invitation for them to bleat on and on and on. Nip it in the bud and learn not to use it.
The grand library crammed with an array of thought provoking books including Katie Price & Peter Andre Uncensored.
Adults only solarium.
No Carmen, it's not that sort of sling!

Where to next?


  1. Looks like a lovely cruise ship and cabin. Did Carmen have a roll in the grass?

    PS: Did you happen to notice the price on the "Lubricante anal de silicona Pjur?" Uh, I'm asking for "a friend."

  2. Pjur Analyse me!
    Lubricante de base silicona especial para sexo anal con relajante de jojoba.
    19,90 €

    I looked for Longhorns in the ship's shop, they didn't have any.

    No rolling on the grass for Carmen, but she did do a hell of a lot of grazing!

  3. Viva Espana! It is a bugger when all the bastard shops are closed. I agree; I want to shop like a woman possessed on holiday or sleep or get drunk or get a bit lost. I can't do guided tours. I always turn in to the annoying twat at the back! I wouldn't mind a kip in that hammock and thinking about it, their could be a market for niche cruises with that sort of sling. I may put a business plan together.

    1. They could do away with the lawn club on deck 15 because no fucker hardly ever goes up there and turn it into Ivy's On Board Knocking Shop.

      I did have a little snooze in one of the other loungers a bit further down from the sling, it was round with a hood, just like a huge igloo cat bed, facing out to sea, it was lovely.

    2. I'm in! We could have Lady Ivy's House of Correction too for an extra bit of class. I'll get some cards done by Vistaprint.

  4. Oh, Rotterdam !

  5. Where to next? Well, the nice chap in the video pointed on the spinning globe to what looks like the Amazon Basin.

    Perhaps you’ll have an anaconda sighting!

    1. Only if it's a clean one MJ. It looked like Venezuela didn't it? I've been to the Isle of Margarita or Cut Throat Island as I liked to call it, oh no, I won't be rushing back there again in a hurry.

  6. Cleethorpes? With fake signage, to attract Welshmen