Wednesday 1 July 2015

Mushy Rhubarb Cloppers

There was a parcel left on my doorstep this morning, something wrapped up in newspaper, with a post it note attached saying it was from my neighbour Elsie. I wondered what it could be, the still beating heart of the women who lives at number 32, who once called dear old Elsie a 'nosy old bitch', a pig's head for Carmen or even a dead baby, I'm afraid I did let my fertile imagination run riot with me. I picked up the parcel and saw from the opening that it was rhubarb 16 stalks of it freshly picked from Elsie's garden.




Ingredients
3 sticks of rhubarb
Cup of honey
2 cups of oats
pinch of baking powder
Vanilla extract
Ground ginger and lavender flowers optional.

Wash and peel the Rhubarb, removing the outer skin of rhubarb can be rather therapeutic. Chop it up in chunks and place in a microwaveable bowl, drizzle with honey (or sugar) and microwave on high for 10 minutes, After 10 minutes, drain away any juices and puree it. If you're feeling that way inclined, you can add a pinch of ginger.

In a grinder, grind two cups of porridge oats into a flour I like to add mixed nuts with mine, but if you're feeling that way inclined, try adding lavender flowers to the dry ingredients .

Place flour and honey in a bowl, add two tablespoons of the pureed jollop with the the vanilla extract and stir until it forms a ball. Divide the mixture into 9 balls and place on a baking sheet, flatten each ball slightly and then using a wet spoon, form a well in the centre, you could use a wet finger, never dry though, as the mixture will stick to it.

Add a teaspoon of the rhubarb mixture to each Clopper and bake at 170°C or gas mark 3 for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown. Enjoy with a nice cup of coffee, pussy mug optional.




14 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I was wondering what you were showing me, I had to take my 'readers' off and put my 'lookers' on, and was surprised to see King Mufasa sat there instead of the giant penis I had imagined. You must never go there LX

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  2. Can I add pink food colouring to the purée? I will add pink food colouring. And some icing sugar.
    Sx

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    1. Why not sprinkle some hundreds and thousands on it too and some edible glitter, you could use jam instead of rhubarb, it'll be like a posh Jam Tart. I gave one to my maid of all work Carmen, you should have seen the look of horror on her face, she had difficulty swallowing it, which is unusual for her.

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  3. Looks a bit like mashed Entengrütze to me. The lavender is a very nice touch !

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    1. Ah duckweed with it's beautiful green hue the perfect tea time treat and pairs wonderfully with scented rose petals.

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  4. Oh my word, aren't they divine?

    Now, I don't want to sound like your long-lost Aunt of Advice, but I'm a bit concerned about your 'hood, just all seems a bit too rough for Mitzi You say that you weren't sure if the package contained a pig's head (for Carmen, naturally) or a dead baby?

    Is it Carmen's behaviour that has brought about a deterioration in the neighbourhood?

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  5. I hope I haven't caused you too much distress by giving you the wrong impression that I live on some sort of sink estate where the people wear mismatched fabrics and smoke Richmond Superkings, the very idea is laughable, but it's my own fault for not explaining the situation properly. When Carmen was a young slip of a thing, she went for career advice, the career advisor asked Carmen what she would like to do, she replied that she would love to work with animals and that's how she got a weekend job working in a butcher's shop, it was whilst working there she met Mick, a master butcher they hit it off and have been friends ever since, she doesn't work there anymore as she scrubs for me, but he often stops by to slip her a length of pork and knowing that Carmen has a fondness for brawn the occasional pig's head too. The dead baby I added to heighten the sense of drama. Her at number 32, I think she's called Cath nobody likes her, she's a foul minded moralising old bag, quick to wag the finger and spread juicy gossip to anyone who'll listen. The post man delivered a letter to Elsie's house but it was addressed to Cath, not realising this, Elsie opened the letter and read the contents, it was a bank statement, being the good citizen that she is, she went over to her house and explained to the woman what had happened only to be given a load of saliva.

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  6. The pig's head seems ... well, French. Did Carmen study with Escoffier?

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    1. The French call it Frommage de tete (head cheese) doesn't that sound stomach churning? No Mick, and he is about as Parisian as a Blackpool donkey.

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  7. Nbr. 32 sounds like a piece of work. The fact you're cozy enough with her to have her unload her excess rhubarb might be disturbing if I didn't faith in you.

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    1. Grotbags as I like to call her at number 32. Elsie is a nice old girl but you just cannot get away from her once she has you in her grasp, I wouldn't mind so much if she didn't talk a load of shite. It would be a dream to live somewhere without any neighbours, it really would.

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  8. They look like tasty cow pats. Not that I've eaten a tasty cow pat, mind.

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  9. When I presented them to my mother, she thought they looked like baby's first shit. She can be very coarse.

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