Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Describe Your Day In Three Words

Mine: Dismal Shopping Trip.

The neutron bomb stored in the arsenals of the superpowers is designed to kill people without harming the buildings. The opposite has happened in Scunthorpe in Lincolnshire. The infrastructure is dead but somehow the people have managed to survive (but only just) and are picking their way through the concrete ruins. That's the impression I got today when entering Scunthorpe. The whole town is best described as a soulless outdoor shopping arcade consisting of discount shops, pregnant teenage horrors pushing prams, I heard one shout at her brown "Bairn" (who was whinging to go into that gourmet eatery MacDonalds) "Shut the fuck up Nokia! you can have a sausage roll instead". We walked/ran back to the car, I gave my "Pay and display" parking ticket with two hours time left to a grateful old man. Then we headed down to Meadowhall and had a much nicer time there.


  1. Hot. Hot. Hot.

    (Endless days of 100f+ (40c+) heat in Texas. I need to move.)

  2. We have a dead shopping mall here as well. The whole place is hanging on to the last gasp of retail breath left in the world. Out of hundreds of store fronts maybe twenty are occupied with makeshift Asian made up stores. Some have taken to renting the spaces for garage sales. The ceilings are falling in and wires are hanging out. It’s depressing.

    If I need a nice place to shop I go down the road a bit to Destin for the Largest Designer Outlet Center in the nation.

    Thank you for the comment, it made me laugh as I sing the same thing to a friend of mine when he’s feeling puny!

  3. Hello Mitzi:
    We do know an exceedinly rude joke about Scunthorpe but feel, on reflection, that it might offend your readers coming from that town.

    Nokia! What a delightful name. An ideal choice for Mr. and Mrs. Beckham's next child.

  4. I remember in the early 1990's the UK reached 100 degrees, it made the headline news, they showed people frying eggs on the bonnet of their cars.

    Sadly the same thing is happening over here Ayem8y. Since the closure of our local delicatessen (now re-opened as a punjab mini market) I now have to travel to York to buy hisbiscus flowers in syrup for my champagne.

    I know that joke too J&L!

  5. I don't know the joke...??
    I am not from Scunthorpe so it is alright to tell me it.

  6. ‘If Typhoo put the ‘T’ in Britain, who put the cunt in Scunthorpe’

    That Joyce Grenfell knew some filthy jokes.

    Are you calling my mother a pikey, Princess?

  7. Scunthorpe looks really gemütlich.

  8. The people seemed gemutlich enough, just the place was ein bissen bedrucken, ich habe geshen shlimmer orts!

    I should have sent you a postcard of the nearby industrial works MJ!

  9. I love visiting Clutter From The Gutter.