"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.”
So, Mitzi where have you been all this time? I hear you ask. Bedlam, that's where! First, I would like to apologise over my long absence, it must have been so distressing for you all, especially with those internet rumours going round about the Queen's demise last week, I don't see what all the fuss was about myself, the woman is pushing 90. I'm drifting off course a bit here, it happens when you haven't had a proper holiday in 7 months, yes 7 months! I've been helping my mother move out of the family home and in to a luxury apartment in a retirement village for the over 55s with beautiful manicured communal gardens and afternoon bingo. I won't say which retirement village as she'll be inundated with autograph hunters and such likes.
Emptying the house wasn't an easy task, I'm still having nightmares about it and will for sometime. When I left home 20 years ago, I expected my parents to have turned my bedroom into a shrine by leaving everything just how I had left it all those years ago, but instead they had filled it floor to ceiling with... well, lets call it junk. It was the same in my sister's old room too and in the box room. No wonder my mother was reluctant to move. Just when we thought we had everything cleared, my mother took me to one side, out of my niece and Carmen's earshot and told me she wanted something bringing down from the attic, it was a biscuit tin hidden behind the water tank and it weighed a ton, I handed her the tin and without any prompting from me, she showed me the contents "FUCKING HELL!" they was no slap across the head this time just my mother's beaming face. I'm thinking about getting a blue plaque made for the old house saying "Bill Sikes and Nancy lived here". I would love to tell you more but I'm afraid I cannot.
She's only been at her new place five minutes and has already had firm words with the woman next door.
* Crawford was actually my maternal grandma who came to live with us after Grandad died. I've always been pretentious, even then!