Monday 12 January 2015

Mitzi's Rosee de la Jeunesse

Mitzi is delighted to introduce her exciting new miracle cream Rosee de la Jeunesse© with added collagen.

Does your face resemble a balloon two weeks after a party? Does your neck look like a jumper that's gone baggy in the wash? Would you like to have younger, firmer skin without resorting to murderously expensive cosmetic surgery? Of course you would, and well you can with Mitzi's Rosee de la Jeunesse. It only cost pennies to make:

Ingredients
Any tub of moisture cream from Poundland
12g packet of Gelatin
drop of cochineal (optional) for that envious rosy glow look
A little or as much as you want of your favourite perfume (optional)




Mix gelatin in a cup with an inch or so of hot water stir until grains dissolve.

Pour Moisturising cream into a bowl and add gelatin mix well.

Next add the cochineal food colouring. Don't over do it with the cochineal, you only need a tiny drop otherwise you'll end up looking like a Victorian whore.

Add fragrance to the lotion, use the dregs of your favourite perfume.

Give it a good stir and pot up.

Say goodbye to your wrinkles with a rosy glow with Mitzi's Rosee de la Jeunesse© with added collagen.
I thought I'd never look young again until I tried Mitzi's Rosee de la Jeunesse© with added collagen. and now I look 60 years younger. I'm going to change my age officially by deed pole to 31.

17 comments:

  1. I have to admit that I was a bit skeptical until I enlarged the photos and noticed that you use Dr Oetker products! Whilst staying in Berlin, I have purchased the good doctor's quality products and swear by them.

    Best of luck with this new line!

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    1. Dokter Mitzi's Jugend Tau exclusive to Lidl.

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  2. Email me, let's talk packaging and branding, let's get this product in the shops by next Thursday. Let's get Esther Rantzen to front the global marketing campaign. Oh, and I think orange food colouring may be the way to go if we want to appeal to the Essex contingent. Thanks.
    Sx

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    Replies
    1. I see a sow's ear metamorphosing into a beautiful bugle beaded silk purse how about the lovely Angela Rippon fronting the campaign?

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    2. Esther Rantzen I ask you!

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    3. Sadly, I can only get Lulu and Sheena Easton interested. What D'ya reckon?
      Sx

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    4. Sheena Easton could do with the exposure, she hasn't had a hit record since singing For Your Eyes Only from the James Bond theme, I tell a lie, she did that duet with Prince, You Got The Look, she could sing that for the advert, but who is to do the voice over?

      Lulu sang Nellie The Elephant, didn't she and they're both from Scotland, how about Isla St Claire doing the voice over?

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  3. Darling Mitzi,

    Can your blog now be officially recognised as a lifestyle blog?

    We have long since suspected that you had the secret of Eternal Youth but that, up until now, you were keeping it to yourself. Clearly 2015 is the year for sharing with us, your humble and wrinkly readers, the secret of your success.

    We have just one question.......does Rosee de Jeunesse wash off? Or, does it simply melt into the pores, evening out lumps and bumps as it goes? Whatever, we are now reaching a desperate stage in our lives and shall order a crate of the stuff. Please advise us about postage and packing.....perhaps said crate could bring with it a handsome delivery man!

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    Replies
    1. A lifestyle blog for the lost and bewildered.

      Rosee de la Jeunesse isn't for sale, it is for you or your maid to make at home. If I went around opening factories left right and centre, I'd never get any rummy played.

      Rosee de la Jeunesse will not wash off in the normal way but with the aid of some Vim and a scouring pad it will fade slightly.

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    2. Darling Mitzi,

      We do not even butter bread....let alone mix things in bowls...it all seems too much like cooking to us.

      Please pretty please can you whip some up for us, pop it into a Jiffy Bag and send it post haste? And, where oh where do you think Vim is to be obtained in the Motherland?

      Look, it is no good......you will just have to Easy Jet here and bring the Rosee with you. We shall have Rose (sorry no accent) on ice waiting...... xxx

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    3. Buttering bread can be an arduous task, I know, I've tried it once and ended up with slices of bread looking like lace mats and I can't cut bread to save my life.

      Rosee Jeunesse (I've changed it's name) is on it's way to Hungary. I can't wait to read your review about it on Amazon where I believe, you can still buy Vim!

      Forget the Rose have that dishy artist friend of yours waiting for me with his mighty mahl stick in his hand.

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  4. The stuff looks wonderful. I have placed an order for three years' supply with your office. Is Rosee de la Jeunesse© also suitable for use on primates, as my maid has stated she wishes to use some on her bingo wings, man-boobs and her more-than-generous undercarriage?

    The key, of course to business success, is doing a deal with a high-class lifestyle magazine and giving away a free sachet of Rosee de la Jeunesse© to every reader: Tatler, Vogue or even my favourite read, Horse & Hound (they once did a centerspread article on my good friend, monocle-wearing Lady Pilkington-Grenville-Baggins the Second of Windsor).

    If any miracle beauty cream can transform Lady Pilkington-Grenville-Baggins' crocodile skin to skin as soft as a baby's bum, then it's definitely worth a punt!

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    1. All my products are tested on Carmen, I applied the cream to one half of her face, everyday for a month and the results were amazing, at the end of the month one half of Carmen's face looked like Anne Widdecombe whilst the other still looked like a Romanian weightlifter, she was thrilled.

      I was thinking more Chat and Take A Break magazine to appeal to the hoi polloi, after all, it's them who need it the most. but you're right of course the masses aren't going to pay £75 for a 50g pot for something that cost tuppence to make.

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  5. PS the bogs in Poundland Hemel Hempstead are fantastic for cock.. they have a 5-inch gloryhole!

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    1. I can't wait to visit. Is there a S&M bargains too?

      We attended a glass blowing demonstration on board the Celebrity Eclipse last year, the word gloryhole was mentioned, Carmen and I laughed like drains much to everyone's bewilderment.

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  6. Replies
    1. I'm afraid not MJ. To prevent a Deidre Neck never put yourself in a position of immense tension and try to strain when you're sat on the toilet. However, if you do develop a Deidre Neck I suggest you wear a neck brace.

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