Saturday, 20 December 2014

Season's Greetings From Rita


I received a card this morning from Rita.















 
After a few moments of thought, I asked myself, who the frig is Rita?




15 comments:

  1. Darling, whoever Rita is, she has fucking terrible handwriting. When I first looked at her scribblings, I thought I was looking at Egyptian hieroglyphs. What I can establish from having spent an hour trying to figure out what she is bumbling on about is that:-

    (A) She will be 'fucking the props'
    (B) If she's off to Walton on Thames, she's something to do with Max Clifford (that's where he lived)
    (C) She has a fetish for fly-tipping and water voles (unusual, but not unheard of).

    I'm wondering if there is some subliminal message in the card. If I were you, I would throw it onto your fire, and forget you ever received it.

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    1. Her son is in Whitechapel isn't that where Jack the Ripper did his carvings? I thought it read 'fucking the props' too, some of the dots on her i's are slightly off kilter, which suggests she's a paranoid schizophrenic, her reference about Sylvia Plath committing suicide suggests she has a penchant for all things morbid. Walton On Thames is an anagram of "Annal Tomo Whets" I knew a Tommo who was fond of the 'A' I slept with his boyfriend once and he never really forgave me, well, it was his own fault for boasting that his boyfriend had a foot and a half, it wasn't until he stripped off and I saw for myself that two of his toes were missing. I'm wondering if her/his subliminal message is for me to go and stick my head in the oven and turn the gas on, but I've only got an electric oven, I'd better put on a mud pack first.

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    2. It sounds to me like a sex triangle, orchestrated by your maid, Carmen, and some mystery woman. They're trying to snare you in their sordid trap. Be very wary of women who say their favourite read is Sylvia Plath. I once employed a scullery maid who was an avid fan of Plath, and she ran off with all my silver.

      Do send Tommo round to my house!

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  2. Is Carmen allowed to receive mail at your address? Her friend perhaps?

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    Replies
    1. Yes of course she is. The envelope was addressed to me. I hope I'm not going the same way my great uncle Kenneth, he had that disease that old people get, now, what's it's name? not alkerselzers it began with an A.

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  3. I think Carmen be in cahoots with Russian Rita, nemesis of Mae West and the antithesis of Christmas cheer. Be on your guard Princess.

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  4. What the frig is "fly tripping?" It sounds nasty. I agree with the others that you should be very wary of whoever or whatever this Rita creature is.

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    1. Fly tipping is rewarding flies and blue bottles for excellent service in soup kitchens by taking them off for a ride and releasing them in the countryside or on private land were there isn't any CCTV cameras.

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  5. Wasn't Rita a Meter-maid? Possibly you have had a paring ticket from her and now she considers you her only friend in the world aside form a few water voles....

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  6. I reckon it's Carmen playing silly buggers because she didn't get her Christmas bonus this year, water bleeding voles I'll give her water voles.

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  7. Ahem - what is this ? And what is she doing with these props, I can not identify this word.

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    Replies
    1. A water vole wearing attire that has long been out of fashion and an otter in Edwardian costume playing a round of golf, it's the stuff of nightmares.

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