Wednesday 8 January 2014

Maid Of Hunger

My maid of all work Carmen waited 45 minutes for Morrisons to bring their prized fish and chips to the table today. I could see her fading away to a mountain before my very eyes. It was a pitiful sight. If only she had worn her burgundy tabbard of servitude then she could have gone through the swing doors that the staff use and helped herself, instead of just sitting there giving theatrical glares to the kitchen staff and tutting.

If you're not familiar with Morrisons it's a bit like the troll market in Hellboy II only under cover.

It's Shirley Bassey's birthday today, old as the mists of time and she can still belt them out.

Take it away Shirley!



8 comments:

  1. Do you think Shirl shops at Morrisons?

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    1. I reckon she does her "Morrisons shop" online and gets it delivered to her door in Monaco. I can see why she opted to live there with it's beautiful scenery, it's mild climate and it's no levy income tax on its residents.

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  2. Ah, the wondrous Miss Bassey, my grans favourite. I used to sing along when I was a little girl, big arm gestures and all.
    Yup...exactly like the troll market only more folk in their slippers.
    x

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    1. I was reminded by Carmen that old fling tits attended Margaret Thatcher's FUNeral and we're not suppose to like her anymore.

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    1. I remember a time when shop assistants were part of life's furniture, they never spoke unless spoken to. In Asda the other week, the woman sat at the infra red thingy, I think it's called a till, asked if Carmen and I were a couple! The impertinence!

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  4. I do sympathise. My own maid, Belladonna, has to be handcuffed to the table whenever I take her out for treats such as a fish n chip supper at Morrissons or Tesco. Were it not for the handcuffs, she'd make a beeline for the ladies' loo. She does love her lesbian cottaging. Did you know that Valium is good for drugging maids? Tell her it's a Smartie.

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    1. Women do like going to the toilet together don't they? They must enjoy watching each other piss.

      Has Bella tried Gaydargirls for her lesbian kicks, I once made up a profile on there, I called myself Big Donna from Grimsby using a picture of Isla St Clair as bait, I got inundated with privates all wanted to lap up my juices. Eww no thanks, it wasn't for me.

      I wouldn't have to tell her it's a smartie she'd take it with gusto, she's flicking a duster on a lamp shade at the moment, humming along to "Cedar Tree" on the radio with a glazed look on her face.

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