My maid of all work Carmen waited 45 minutes for Morrisons to bring their prized fish and chips to the table today. I could see her fading away to a mountain before my very eyes. It was a pitiful sight. If only she had worn her burgundy tabbard of servitude then she could have gone through the swing doors that the staff use and helped herself, instead of just sitting there giving theatrical glares to the kitchen staff and tutting.
If you're not familiar with Morrisons it's a bit like the troll market in Hellboy II only under cover.
It's Shirley Bassey's birthday today, old as the mists of time and she can still belt them out.
Take it away Shirley!