Saturday 23 November 2013

Satsuma and Dragonfruit

Whilst watching the omnibus edition of Emmerdale this morning, Carmen started to sing along to an advert that popped up, when all of a sudden she stopped her awful cacophony, I turned and looked at her, she had developed an expression on her face that suggests that a light bulb has just been switched on over her head, not an immediate light but one of those energy saving bulbs with a low wattage that takes forever to fully light up. The cause for this epiphany was this advert for Satsuma Loans featuring a song by Heart called How Do I Get You Alone. "Oh, I get it now", she said "It's How Do I Get You A Loan". The thick bitch! I've just sent her out to buy new bathroom scales.

Carmen shopping.





I bought a dragon fruit last week from Morrison's "£2.49 for one! I must need my frigging head testing. Anyway, if you've ever been tempted to buy one, then don't bother, you'll only end up being bitterly disappointed like I was, it has a melon like texture but it doesn't have any taste!

17 comments:

  1. Carmen might enjoy this then.

    The dragon fruit certainly looks interesting. Maybe it's for throwing at intruders?

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    1. Thanks for the link LX. I've just done a quick scan through Carmen's ipod, she has some right horrors in it, including Buck's fizz- Land Of Make Believe, Goombay Dance Band - Seven tears and Middle Of The Road with Chirpy Chirpy,Cheep Cheep, then it takes on a sinister twist with Iron Maiden's Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter and the theme tune to The exorcist, but sadly no Owner Of A Lonely Heart.

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  2. [back to tick notify. sorry]

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  3. I'm not sure you're supposed to eat it, it looks more like some kind of sex aid.

    And Carmen appears ready to pitch over in those puny little heels.

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    1. "I'm not sure you're supposed to eat it, it looks more like some kind of sex aid". I'll tell her you said that, she'll be thrilled.

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    2. You meant the dragonfruit didn't you?

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  4. I'll be honest, a citrus fruit singing a Heart ballad doesn't want to make me sign up for an inflated loan to start by own cat perming business. I bought a dragon fruit a while back because it looked so interested yet as you say such a let down. Tasted like cucumber filled with sand only not as nice. I might be tempted into a loan if a dragon fruit was singing. It wouldn't make any sense though. Unless it was called Dragon Fruit Loan. And that would just be stupid.xx

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    1. You can buy cats with curly hair now I don't know the name of the breed but you'll probably need a loan to buy one. In retrospect, I should have gone through the self service checkout and put the dragonfruit through as an apple and saved myself a few bob. How about a dog crimping business?

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  5. Why should I go to a damn orange for money? I go to that nice old Italian gentleman in the pizzeria at the corner ...

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    1. Borrow £100 and spend the rest of your life paying it off.

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  6. Carmen might want to remove all that bulky clothing before weighing herself. It tends to add pounds to the total tally.

    Perhaps Dragon fruit is more ornamental rather than edible.

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    1. I'm always telling her to show more flesh, but she acts all shy and coy. I say if you've got it... flaunt it!

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  7. Erm.... thank you for explaining the advert; I am sharing the same light bulb as Carmen.
    Sx

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  8. You should sleep better tonight knowing that.

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  9. The picture of Carmen shopping has disturbed my own live-in maid, Belladonna. After I showed her the pic of Carmen, she spent the morning tweaking her own monstrous nipples and salivating like a rabid dog. I'm going to have to take Belladonna to the vets for a tranquiliser shot. Can you ask Carmen to try and be a little less sexy?

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