Monday, 4 March 2013


Puerto De La Cruz, Tenerife North. Where the elderly from all over the world go wild 365 days of the year.

Why Tenerife?

To get away from the dismal cold weather of England and to feel some warm winter sun on my flanges. It's only a 3 hr 50 min flight from Doncaster airport, we were lucky, as we had a tail wind behind us, reducing the flight time by half an hour. However, on the return journey home we were faced with a head wind of 160 mph and the flight took a staggering 5 hours 10 mins, the turbulence was awful, I was like a coiled spring, listening to Yoko Ono on the ipod didn't help soothe my nerves either!

Room with a view taken on the ninth floor.

I don' know if you can see but she had a strange case of one eye looking at you and one eye looking for you, but I'm sure you'll agree she's got incredible feminine charm.

Dildo fun anyone?

Where One Stayed.
Tenerife Playa H10 It didn't look like an old folks home from the outside but, once inside it's Derby and Joan all the way, I'm in my mid 30s and Carmen's in her 40s and we were the youngest there by about 30 years!

What I Saw
Mount Teide, black sandy beaches THE SUN!

How I Spent The Evenings

Old School glamour
It was carnival time in Puerto De La Cruz. Hordes of weeping black widows follow the funeral cortege of a giant paper mache sardine down to the harbour, where the sardine is set on fire amid fireworks and a cacophony of wailing widows mainly men dressed as women.

13th February: Funeral of the Sardine
15th February: Men´s Marathon in High Heels
16th February: Carnival - Main Parade (4 pm)

What I Ate
Calamari, these are not, I repeat, not onion rings! You only make that mistake once.


  1. Somehow to me, the cockeyed witch sort of has a Liza-with-a-Z vibe going on!

    1. Like Liza with a Z she's also a dab hand at getting ready in the dark, Liza tends to throw her make-up in the air and takes a running jump at it, an old trick she learnt from her mother Danny La Rue.

  2. Oh sweetie, you didn't fall for that old fried-calamari gag did you? Don't you know what they recycle used condoms for?

    1. She did Mrpeenee, she also mistook the taramasalata for cream cheese!

  3. Bloody brilliant! It looks like a proper holiday with all that glamour, sardine funerals and so forth. I do like's a bit like my Hometwon but with lots of sun n' sea. They burn cars instead of fish and have tarmac instead of black sand, but the joie de vivre is the same.

  4. Have you been taking St John's Wort supplement too Ivy? I went to Bridlington on Saturday, it was a beautiful day, clear blue sky and not a single cloud to be seen, I turned to Carmen (who was tucking into a tray of chips with gusto) and said with all seriousness, who needs Portofina when we have all this on our doorstep.

  5. Any chance of getting a side order of chips with those sardines?

  6. What about a nice delicious plate of "poutine" instead?

  7. I had no idea that they burn sardines there. Welcome back m'dear.

  8. Every Ash Wednesday, a huge paper mache sardine is wheeled through the streets followed by hysterical widows wearing black, it's taken down to the harbour where a priest throws holy water onto it, then sets it alight and afterwards a huge firework display. Back home in England we would normally just eat a pancake.