Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Influenza

I'm suffering from this terrible malady.


I have all of the above symptoms, plus a few more, like, when I cough (a damned nuisance) I get pulsating throbs as if a Romanian wrestler is trying to force horse meat behind my eyes, a sudden increase of heart rate when I stand, accompanied by a spiralling feeling like a cat in a cement mixer eating it's own tail. Confusion, I went for an afternoon nap and when I woke up I couldn't decide if the orange globe in the sky was the sun going up or the sun going down. However, in the supermarket at Waitrose today I managed to arrange the fruit and veg in such a provocative manner it made the sales assistant blush, it means I'm getting better.

14 comments:

  1. Take care. And be careful of the hamburgers!

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  2. Carmen once asked me what Cheval was on a French menu, I told her it was goat's cheese as I didn't want to upset her.

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  3. Good to hear that you are feeling better Mitzi... Is this flu a result of your recent travels perchance?

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    1. I believe it's the result of breathing in the contaminated air on the plane. Why won't they let you open the emergency exit door a chink, for a bit of fresh air? I'll never know.

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  4. You poor dear. It's because you're such a delicate blossom. Do take care of yourself.

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    1. Thank you MrPeenee, I will, of all the above symptoms, it's the runny nose that drives me mad the most.

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  5. Sorry to hear you've got the 'flu. You need a nice young man - preferably of Mediterranean extraction - to salve your body in greasy, mentholated unguent, such as Vick's Vapour Rub.

    You're lucky with the strain of 'flu you've got though - last time I had it, I was coughing up hair-balls.

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  6. Hope you are on the mend.

    Why don't they let you wear the oxygen masks on the planes?

    Stewardess, Hello? They are right there...

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    1. I agree Ayem8y the mean penny pinchers. Although I can be quite hoity-toity at times, I'd rather work down a coal pit than be a Stewardess on a plane, the smell of filth and decay in economy class, seeing the barefoot children in their dirty rags with urine streaks down their legs, sat in the laps of their red eyed gin sodden mothers. *shudders*

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  7. Turn all your unwanted hairballs into beautiful items of jewellery I've had mediterranean men rub stuff on my chest before and it's always been with an unsavoury hint of gorgonzola. I'd like to try one from the Baltics.



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  8. It's not safe to travel anymore by any means of transportation as we've seen with the recent stranded cruise ship not to mention the Egyptian air balloon.

    I had to sit for an hour in a doctor's waiting room today with the great unwashed and their sneezing and wheezing.

    Upon my arrival home, I immediately popped a zinc tablet and grabbed my garland of garlic to protect myself from evil germs.

    It's all really QUITE a trial, isn't it?


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    1. Oranged cheeked babies wheezing, pensioners with scabs, the bent legs, the wizened bodies. It is a worry.

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  9. Is it safe to remove the mask at this place now?

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    1. Yes, I've stopped frothing at the mouth now.

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