Thursday, 17 May 2012

For That Parisian Pout



I would love to give a big poke in the eye to all those snooty women who work the cosmetic counters in Debenhams for selling overpriced beauty products that can be made at home for next to nothing and for swishing around in those ridiculous white laboratory coats pretending to be cutting edge scientists, they're not fooling anyone.

If you dream about having the perfect Parisian pout then follow my simple recipe:

Mix a tablespoon of Vaseline/ cooking fat (don't go using the fat from the chip pan) with a teaspoon of ground cinnamon, 10 drops of cinnamon leaf oil (the key ingredient don't omit it), burst open a vitamin E capsule and add that to the mix, store in a small air tight container which can be popped into your handbag and used during a night out. Smear around your gob when desired and see what happens.

9 comments:

  1. I have "a friend" who is wondering if your pouty formula could be used on other body parts as well?

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  2. Your friend might need to add extra cinnamon to the serum. If tumescence persists over a long period of time it can be tamed by looking at photographs of Nora Batty.

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  3. Hello Mitzi:
    Never go near a woman in a white coat, especially in Debenhams! You really do need to seek out the Armani black clad mavens in Fenwicks who can give you a Parisian pout, a Brussels bottom, a cheeky cologne from Cologne and a Munich massage at the flick of a wrist and all without the need for seeking out cinnamon leaf oil. We swear by them.......often!!!

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    1. The last time we were in Fenwicks of York was at Christmas time, I bought a pair of leather gloves and was served by a woman wearing foundation make-up so thick and orange, she resembled a tandoori oven, one inch lashes, Korean whore-house red lip-stick and a black wig left over from the amdram production of The Mikado. She looked lovely.

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    2. Hello Mitzi:
      Fenwicks of Bond Street, dearest Mitzi, London!

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  4. You can also use this same formula for keeping the dogs off the sofa.

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    Replies
    1. It stops them from shagging your leg too.

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