Wednesday, 28 September 2011

From Blighty To Benidorm

I've been basking in glorious sunshine the past few days, with temperatures of 85 degrees. Not in Spain, but here in England! Pass the tanning butter!

Benidorm Adventure

Flight 747 to Alicante we were surrounded by the egg and chips brigade. 9am flight and all the babies on board the plane were wailing piteously, the under fives were having major tantrums. The man sat behind us kept breaking wind willy-nilly. The scene was reminiscent of Giotto's fresco of The Last Judgement, depicting hell. I sat there silently screaming for 2 and a half hours until we landed.

Where we stayed.

The Don Pancho **** Mosquito Farm.

Taken on the mobile phone hence the poor quality.

Our hotel had it's very own boutique with all the latest Spanish fashions, including these hideous green polyester outfits.

Every hotel had it's own beggar, ours would sit from dawn til dusk on the pavement outside the hotel holding a paper cup, she would perform a lament with so much human misery in it that it could be described as theatrical.

The view from our balcony on the 13 th floor.

The girls from Baccara pose for a picture.

Benidorm really is the mobility scooter capital of Europe.
I've never seen so many walk shy lard arses in all my life.
The above pic is from the internet.

Carmen had Fish and chips and I had the vegetarian lasagna one afternoon at Rays chip emporium. The elderly waitress (I think she was called Pat) brought us our meal with a cheery "There you are, Luv" the northern equivalent to "Bon Appetite".

The Queen of Benidorm. Yes Sticky Vicky is still doing the rounds at 74 ! with her magic vagina act. She's been packing them in for years!


  1. If Vicky retires, she could get a fishing show on TV!

  2. did she have an entire wooly jumper up there?

  3. Those lard arses look very British.

  4. Hello Mitzi:
    Have you considered Baden Baden? Words do, on this occasion, fail us. And were you not, at any point, tempted to jump from the fourteenth floor?

  5. You look like you have been kissed by the sun.

    God I wish I had invented the mobility scooter.

    Vicky Vicky Vicky! Gotta have a gimmick.

  6. Trout fishing with Sticky Vicky, sounds fabulous von LX. I'd watch it.

    Yes Shirley, smelling not too dissimilar to a deep sea trawler man's wooly sweater.

    Look at the socks and sandals in the last picture Scarlet, makes you feel proud to be British doesn't it? The Germans looked second to bonnie too in their attire. As for the Dutch, ye Gods! I saw a Dutch man in our hotel wearing red trousers, blue suede shoes (The type Elvis sang about) with golden buckles, a polka dot shirt open to the navel and a Rod Stewart hairdo, he was in his mid sixties. The sights you see when you don't have a camera/gun at hand!

    I didn't book this holiday J&L, my maid and travel companion Carmen did. I fancied an appartment in Biarritz overlooking the sea. Carmen wanted Benidorm so we tossed for it and I sadly lost. We enjoy Cologne but have yet to discover Baden-Baden. We will go there sometime on your recommendation. I was sat on the balcony one afternoon listening to the people below in Tikki Beach bar having a drunken sing-a-long, during their rendition of "High Ho Silver Lining" I had a little fantasy about throwing myself off the balcony.

    I have been kissed by the sun Ayem8y and by the mosquitos too! I had a nasty bite in the middle of my forehead resembling an Indian woman's bindi and another one at the corner of my mouth resembling herpes!

  7. With competition like Sticky Vicky, I need to work on my act.

  8. She puts my Cadbury creme egg party piece to shame.

    About four years ago, Sticky vicky gave me a sheet of paper to hold up, she slashed it to prove to the audience that the razor blades she just pulled out of her fanny were real. I don't like audience participation.